Archive for the 'USA' Category

Stoney is a war monger

Contrary to popular belief, this piece of shit blog isn’t dead yet. Roughty, you are slacking big time. Dank, you are a substitute teacher. Suit, you live in Virginia Beach.

I feel sad, but good about myself, when I compare my diminutive accomplishments to the even more worthless acts of my colleagues.

To tell the truth, this blog is a little bit like the Federalist Papers, except with a bent towards modern understanding and enjoyment. I mean, what’s the point of living life in the world today if you don’t get something out of it, and what is there to really get? I mean, the modern U.S. citizen chooses between two basic lines of thought: thinking with your big head or thinking with your little head. Don’t get offended, lades, it means the same thing to everyone across the board, with or without a penis. Let’s break it down, old school Good and Bad, people either learn and create, or they watch TV and procreate. Perhaps it’s a bit simple and dramatic, and I’m sure there are those out there who can achieve the middle ground. However, inventing a new school of philosophical thought is hard to do when you’ve got a mouth to feed. Just ask my homey Hemingway.

For me, the President of Iran secured George Bush’s place in history as a forward-thinking President, on the cutting edge of world politics. What the fuck? Well, when jackass Ahmadinejad said that “There are no homos in Iran,” and then he repeated it to make sure we all heard, I went Ding Ding Ding in my head. First of all, the jackasshole President of Columbia fucked up by calling the guy a “dictator.” The guy is clearly not a dictator, the Ayotollah or whatever is calling the shots, not the fucking figurehead president. So the jackass from Columbia starts the whole fucking charade with a false statement, geared towards sensational emotionalism, which clearly struck a chord with the president, the crowd, and everybody who watches. YAY! We all think as he calls the guy out for being a “dicatator.” Nevermind the fact that Iran is quite far from a dictatorship, and even if it was, President Ahmadinejad is only a figurehead, a puppet for the theocracy.

Anyway, the dude’s “homosexuals don’t exist” points to a deep, fundamental difference in cultural understanding between hardcore Fundamental Islam and the freedom that we say we represent. Also, please forget the fact that Fundamental Christians would probably be saying the same exact thing about homos if they were controlling a theocratic state. Anyway, this guy has the balls to talk about “academic freedom” and all this other shit, while at the same time denying a human phenomenon that has been around since the beginning of time. A human body has a certain number of holes, and some people like some holes more than other, and whatever happens culturally to support and encourage your love for your favorite Human Hole is called sexuality. Anyway, to deny that some people like to give/take it up the butt is like denying they have a butthole to violate in the first place. Think about it.

Anyway, this guy is writing a history for his people right now, he is coming to the land of the Crusading Infidels and giving it to us right in our face. I’ll be the first one to admit that the Iraq War and all other wars are fucked beyond fucked, but I will also be the first to admit that wars will never go away, just like flagrant homosexual buttsex won’t either.

After hearing him say that, with a straight face to an audience full of enlightened laughter, I discovered personally that we really are in a war with Iran, and that we do have to win it to prevent an Islamic worldwide proletariat Revolution. All of his statements about “not building a bomb” are just thrown out the window for me. Either the guy is a brilliant orator, who can face public humiliation in the face of his obvious lies, or he actually believes what he is saying, that there are no homos in Iran. Which one is scarier…being lied to about nuclear bombs, or listening to someone publicly plan the nuclear destruction of a global society. I’m not sure.

Anyway, just recently our President, GWB, has been getting thrashed like Denzel Washington gets thrashed by Mathew Broderick in Glory. Bla bla bla, fuck Bush, fuck this, fuck that. I want to know how many people voted for GW who are now talking shit. Mad shit. Don’t vote for him, then, you fucking retard.

Now, to my grand point. Yesterday, the President of Iran proved to the world, on live television in front of and enlightened, opinionated and divided audience in the greatest city in the USA, that he is not playing by our rules. Like Haganav wrote in one of the first political pieces on this blog, these people are not playing by our rules, it is Hamas rules.

The whole time, through this whole mess, I kept thinking to myself that maybe Iran was pursuing peaceful nuclear energy, that maybe everything really is just a spin for Israel, and that I would be proved right.

Wrong. George W. Bush, you got me. I still think you are a knucklehead, elitist fuckwheat, but you were right when you said that Ahmadinejad was a mortal enemy of the U.S,and our closest and most powerful ally, Israel. And I am beginning to think that you were right when you stood by your War on Terror and Islamic Fundamentalism (forget the fact that you fuckhead Christians aren’t any better).

I’m not saying Nuke the Fuckers, but please, nuke them before they nuke us.

PS- Do what the French do. Despite how much we hate them, they are usually right.

The Mexicans Aren’t Terrorists/ Osama Bin Laden is Real

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Why aren’t the media calling the Mexicans who bombed the pipelines “terrorists?”

The group that claimed responsibility for the bombs is the Popular Revolutionary Army.

“The EPR boasts a Marxist-Leninist ideology and advocates socialist revolution, the sources said. The EPR also has founded a militarized political party known as the Popular Revolutionary Democratic Party, or Partido Democratico Popular Revolucionario.”

So let’s see…we have a militarized left-wing rebel group attacking capitalist infrastructure. I couldn’t find an “official statement” from the bombers, but it seems to me like the attack is directed towards the faceless multinational corporations who use a country’s raw materials to turn a ridiculous profit, without showing the host country much love.

That’s not terrorism? I just looked up the definition on wikipedia, and it says terrorism is only when innocent people are attacked. So this isn’t terrorism because nobody got hurt.

Anyway, I just thought it was interesting to see that some Mexicans blew up a gas pipeline, and the way the media seemed to brush off the whole story. They fucked up 3 different pipelines, and over 10,000 people had to be evacuated. In my book, that’s a pretty big deal, to blow up a huge pipeline and cause widespread panic and disruption. Personally, I think it’s a little ridiculous to not classify this bombing as terrorist in some aspect.

As a comparison, I will offer 2 examples.

The first is from Fight Club. Let’s imagine at the end of the movie, that they blow up those huge buildings, but nobody dies. No one died at all, the only thing that happened was that those buildings were demolished, all those people couldn’t go to work the next day, everybody’s credit got erased, and Fight Club lived happily ever after. Isn’t that terrorism of some sort? If you take the definition of “people got killed indiscrimately” as the only definition, then what would you call that at the end of Fight Club? It’s not terrorism, because nobody got killed. So what is it? Pseudo-terrorism?

Think about it: If you attack and destroy something’s infrastructure, like a credit machine or a gas pipeline, that is going to have a HUGE impact on everything in that society. Just because nobody died, does that make your attack just a “regular” bombing, rather than a “terrorist” bombing. It’s interesting that violence against a human being is necessary to qualify an attack as terrorist, whereas a multi-level attack against a nationalized corporation is kind of brushed off as a rebel assault. Righhhhht. If these guys are willing and motivated enough to coordinate a massive attack like this, designed specifically to inspire fear and concern for the safety of this government operations, then I would personally call them TERRORIST-ASS-SUCKAS.

My next example comes from Nigeria. Over the last year or so, Nigerian “rebels” have been doing the same goddamn thing over there. They are bombing the fuck out of major oil pipelines, to the point that American companies have abandoned the rigs and sold them to the country, or other people. I don’t have the details. Anyway, why aren’t they terrorists? They fuck some major shit up over there, cause a shitload of $ damage, inspire fear in the government, but they aren’t terrorists.

And now on to the main event, the #1 terrorist in the world according to the GWB Terrorist Rankings, Osama Bin Laden.

Osama Bin Laden is, rightfully so, a touchy subject. I wouldn’t go here unless I felt like I had to. OBL just came out with his new video, and every single fucking thing I read about his speech was that it was “rambling and incoherent,” while most news outlets focused on his “attack on capitalism” and “call for Americans to convert to Islam.”

Religion is a strange thing. Personally, I’m all about God and the spirits, but I don’t believe in the purity or sanctity of any human manifestation (religion). Other than religion fanaticism, though, OBL hit the nail on the head in his transcript. The US media twisted and distorted the things he said, and just hoped none of us read it, and that we took their twisted, distilled message for face value, and not investigate further.

If you’re still here, read these quotes from his speech. I believe that these statements are true and powerful, even though they are coming from the camp of our nation’s sworn enemy, a mastermind of cold-blooded murder of US civilians.

“And for your information media, during the first years of the war, lost its credibility and manifested itself as a tool of the colonialist empires, and its condition has often been worse than the condition of the media of the dictatorial regimes which march in the caravan of the single leader.”

“And among the things which catch the eye of the one who considers the repercussions of your unjust war against Iraq is the failure of your democratic system, despite its raising of the slogans of justice, liberty, equality and humanitarianism. It has not only failed to achieve these things, it has has actually destroyed these and other concepts with its weapons – especially in Iraq and Afghanistan – in a brazen fashion, to replace them with fear, destruction, killing, hunger, illness, displacement and more than a million orphans in Baghdad alone, not to mention hundreds of thousands of widows.” (dunno about the million orphans stat)

“It is time for humankind to know that talk of the rights of man and freedom are lies produced by the White House and its allies in Europe to deceive humans, take control of their destinies and subjugate them.”

“After the failure of your representatives in the Democratic Party to implement your desire to stop the war, you can still carry anti-war placards and spread out in the streets of major cities, then go back to your homes, but that will be of no use and will lead to the prolonging of the war.”

Finally

“It has now become clear to you and the entire world the impotence of the democratic system and how it plays with the interests of the peoples and their blood by sacrificing soldiers and populations to achieve the interests of the major corporations.”

All those statements are true.

Interestingly, Osama tells us to read Michael Scheuer if you need to understand the situation more fully. As the ex-commander of the “CIA Get Osama” team, Scheuer has a deep understanding of the terror war.

Some find him to be sympathetic to the terrorists, or even a terrorist, because he has the capability of understanding a different point of view than his own. Scheuer says we have to kill the enemy, “Anywhere we can, whenever we can, without a great deal of concern for civilian casualties. As I said, war is war. The people who got killed when they were hosting Zawahiri to dinner were not friends of the US.”

In other words, we have to kill every single one of them (men, women and children), or they will kill every single one of us. Osama Bin Laden is not an idiot, he’s not rambling and he’s not incoherent. He is telling us why he wants to kill ALL OF US, and it would serve all of us well to understand where he is coming from instead of ignoring and debasing his ideas.

Bow to your Master, except Suit, I need a Dr.’s Appointment

Well, neophytes, mongloids, troglodytes, and our readers, ol’ dank has done it again– 
Er got it done for him by his friends.  You are now reading the words of a future ex-masters student sure to be defamed and broken by the iron hand of american higher education.  Well, by iron hand, i more like mean crippled grip that lets the waste of the future generation slip through its fingers and into the bowels of bullshit.  I must tell all you little stonies that if your heart desires titles, respect, publishing outlets, and degrees in higher higher education simply wait for your good buddy to do it and then ride his coat-tails.  This is the stoney way.  It goes back to the beginning of time and only the savage can guiltlessly ride the wave of others’ success and call it their own. 

Stoney himself cheated his balls off of my econ exam one time for a 65.  Except he was too lazy to do it well and fell short of my 66.  Then we walked 20 yards out the door and convinced ourselves that tests are illegitimate (arguable) and that tests aren’t real (even more likely) and neither is the world–all over a big fat boombalatty. 

Roughty is currently in his seventh year and is a sophomore.  Twitch, never went to school because he could not tear himself away from his mother’s teat and has been home-schooled for fear his mothers always says-quote-They’re all gonna laugh at you.  Suit, well Pet World here we come.  I think we gotta get a few piles of dog food for me to lay on while you take care of the bidnaz.  I’ll just write some poetry and sneak you cigaweeds in the back by the dumpsters. 

 Well, I’m still sitting here at work waiting for somebody to tell me what to do.  This will be my eighth consecutive hour of waiting for directions while i get paid for this bloggity blogerfification.  I just want to let you all know that you can pursue graduate work by never going to class, never reading books, never staying awake when there, never stopping smoking weed, never trying, and always, always giving it your worst. 

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Conspiracy Theory for Stonies

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NWO. No, not the wrestlers. The New World Order is here.

Apparently the New World Order started right after WWI, the Great War for the scholars. Talk about fucked up, that shit was fucked up. Anyway, the big powers are here, and they are here to stay.

I don’t consider myself a conspiracy theorist, but I do believe that there is more going on than we know about. Power corrupts, and the breadth and scope of the new “information age” is so huge, that we don’t even really have any idea about WHAT is really going on, underneath the surface. Huge machines (all aspects- technology, manufacturing, gov’t institutions) function as the underlying structure of our daily life, and you are a fucking IDIOT if you think that the POWERS THAT BE are going to let such a powerful CONNECTIVE SYSTEM run OUT OF CONTROL.

Think about. Now the “information age” ie internet, has only been around for about ten years, so the whole private data argument is a relatively new concept to an old idea. There’s so many things to think about here, so I’m going to try to stop putting it into cohesive thought, because it just doesn’t work like that for me right now.

First of all, the NWO, as I’m talking about, is not a government bunker of people with NWO hats on, talking about what the next move on the big map of the world is going to be. It’s a LOOSE collection of groups, of the richest, most powerful people on the planet, who have unimaginable wealth, as both a group and as individuals. Today, think OIL. At the beginning of the century, think STEEL. In a functioning capitalist economy, money equals power. These are the most powerful people in the planet. I guarantee you that they all have each other’s cell phone numbers.

Anyway, so I guess we have our first little square of understanding NWO. I’d put money, power and oil into this equation.

Now in this modern society, we value the validity of our information. Without information, how could we make decisions? We couldn’t. That’s why the 1st Amendment was invented. It was put in place, by our forefathers, to ensure that valid information could be dispersed through society, without fear from a government clamp down. The people who wrote the Constitution thought about the NWO (in their own terms), and wrote laws to hopefully define and keep people safe who wanted to spread ideas. Freedom of speech guarantees us the right to say whatever we want, like me talking about secret governmental controls. Freedom of the press was supposed to ensure that information institutions (media) could go about their business (dissemination of information) safely and effectively.

Someone took a beer shit on the first amendment.

Let’s see here. Anyone remember Jessica Lynch? Anyone remember Pat Tillman? Anyone remember…..anything else? The government, our “government,” has and does corrupt the media by placing propaganda and false information within our “info database,” TO CONTROL THE THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS OF THE GENERAL POPULATION. Why would anyone want to do that? To stay in power. Jesus.

Speaking of Jesus, his people are into mind control as well.

Speaking of the Amendments to the Constitution, we kidnapped and tortured AMERICAN CITIZENS in our “war on terror.” That’s the 4th Amendment and 8th too. Seeya!

Gold Standard…is money worth anything?
Cell phones
credit cards
google
television
war
Iran
oil
China
India
Africa
AIDS
terrorists
“politricks”
shitstem
war on drugs
war on immigration (where are your great-great grandparents from anyway? probably not the Bering Strait)
Manchurian Candidate
power
skull and bones
commercials
the super bowl
money
bill gates

Anyway, I can’t describe what I feel about the entire situation, because it is too big for me to understand. I can’t see the forest for the trees, and also because I’m stoned on trees.

If you think that everything is fine, that everything is safe, that everything is kosher, that everything is under control, that nothing bad will happen, that nothing bad could happen, and that someone “has your back,” then you are fucking WRONG, and I want some of that shit you’re smoking.

Addendum:

“We are grateful to the Washington Post, the New York Times, Time magazine and other great publications whose directors have attended our meetings and respected the promises of discretion for almost forty years. It would have been impossible for us to develop our plan for the world if we had been subject to the bright lights of publicity during those years. But, the world is now more sophisticated and prepared to march towards a world-government. The supranational sovereignty of an intellectual elite and world bankers is surely preferable to the National autodetermination practiced in past centuries“-David Rockefeller

Note- The Wash Post, NYT and Time Magazine, three highly-read national newspapers, all “attended meetings and respected promises of discretion.”

Money + Power + Controlled Information = New World Order

You Decide

I AM NOT GAY

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riiiiggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhtttttttt………..

He just likes having sex with dudes he doesn’t know.

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(in a Dankalicious voice…)

Here’s to the memories”

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This one goes out to Dank. Listen up, fools.

Weekend Bonus:

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President Putin Kissing a Fish

NASA, Get Your Shit Together

Guess how much NASA’s proposed budget was for this year? I just read it was $16.8 billion dollars. That is a shit load of money.

Let’s do a quick recap of the NASA fuckups in the recent past (what I can remember easily).

Who can forget this crazy bitch?

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Let’s see…she cheated on her husband, ditched her kids at home, and drove from Dallas to Orlando non-stop, wearing diapers so she could piss (and shit) herself, to save precious minutes on her mission to stalk and kill her rival lover.

Oh shit.

Now, I keep hearing about the astronauts who “flew the spaceship drunk.” First of all, who the fuck let the drunk ass astronaut take the wheel. You’d think that somebody standing around him, while he’s putting on his fucking space suit, would see that he was fucking lit up. And then I hear about “a culture of booze” or something like that within NASA pilots. They were talking about removing booze “from the astronaut lounge.”

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So I can just consider that all my tax money went straight to the liquor cabinet of a drunk ass astronaut lady on a mission to kill another astronaut lady?

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NASA, what the fuck is wrong with you? I mean seriously.

I’m looking at the budget PDF file for 2007, and it’s fucking 465 pages long. It’s like a Steven King book for drunk psycho nerdbots, and that’s pretty strange.

And then just the other day, all of the sudden, the space shuttle in space “has chipped its styrofoam shell.” You’re telling me that we give these losers billions and billions of dollars and you build a big styrofoam cooler strapped to jet fuel and electricity? Sounds safe to me. And then, all day for like 2 weeks, all I fucking see when I walk by a TV is something about “running tests to see if the styrofoam crack will be able to withstand the atmosphere.”

NASA is a perpetual fireworks display for the United States, like July 4 every day of the year. Do we need to spend billions of dollars to “test bone density changes” and shit like that? No. NASA exists so that, as a country, we can all sit around and feel good about the fact that we can send rocket ships up in space, carrying drunk psychotic middle-ages fuckheads, so they can go in space and kill rats and shit, just for the fun of it, to see “what would happen.”

What would happen if we didn’t give NASA all that money? A bunch of USELESS fucking nerds would have to….get a real job, instead of sitting around doing physics calculations that have no basis in REALITY, but are instead mere figments and creations of the human imagination and logic.

So we are spending billions of dollars and other resources, so we can gain practically zero worthwhile information, and at the same time, remain captivated by a program that has deep roots in political Cold War agenda…which is really good for world politics right now.

In a slight stretch, how about this Russian annexation of the North Pole shit? Now that is some classic geopolitical upstagery. For what a weird, KBG, fucking ice-master Putin is, he sure knows how to put on a ridiculous PR event. Fuck you guys, we are taking the goddamn North Pole, and there isn’t shit you can do about it. As an even further aside, don’t fuck with Putin, or he will make your sushi radioactive, and you will die a slow, nasty death.

So anyway, after Russia claims the NP, Denmark goes, “I can do something, Motherfucker, we’re sending out an exploratory committee!”

And there you have it, folks, the political landscape of the future. Denmark vs. Russia in a battle for control of the North Pole, while a bunch of drunk ass American astronauts contemplate the meaning of life by killing rats, thousands of miles above the surface of our crusty dick shit planet.

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Fear Not

Fear not ye who stare in dumbblankfacerificatio.  This blasphemous affront from he with the royal nose and created royal lineage will be met with brutally harsh impunity.  He will be crushed with my iron gauntlet as I mold his flacid will like a piece of wet clay. 

The King’s claim to royal lineage is false and ridiculous.  My children, King Stoney was once a young grasshopper in my School of Debaucherous Edification.  This State sponsored program reluctantly admitted the Prince to imbue the naive Prince with the necessary rejection of extravagant material objects and extravagant g.p.a.’s .  What the young Prince did not realize is that this propagandalistic program of debaucherous inundation and and murdering of reason was to weaken the privileged for our worker’s revolution.  My arduous work of the last few months, day in and out, working into the wee hours of the night, was for the building of my barnesian army. 

I am a man of the people.  My father, a poor dirt farmer who struck oil through his rural education, rose through the ranks of the privileged like the early Blogres lineage that King Stoney claims.  Abandoning me in his quest for the tainted coin,  I was raised in the hardened industrial center of our land.  I am a worker that will crush the priviliged and distribute their wealth to the people.  Rise against your attacking tyrannical despot who rules with wild passion and uncontrolled partiality.  Join the ranks of the industrialized worker.  Sign up at your local Volkswagen dealer.  

In my brilliant plan of genius, I paved the way to revolution through my puppet P.M. Sunburner.  He is a weak man of the senses swayed toward the passion.  He is a weakened by his addiction to the witch’s brew squeezed of the rotten teat.  His ludicrous claim of peak conditioning and corpus care are being revealed by the pictures provided by Morel the Destoryer, a man of truth.     

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Taken after his royal decree last night

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Suppressing the Truth

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Destroyed by his Extravagance–Poisoned by Morel the Truthsayer

 Let this be a lesson to all who oppose the strengthening of the Bloggerland.  Sunburner is an example of any who stand in the way of our glorious revolution of the people.  Treacherous lechery will be Punished!

-Chancellor Ovaltine