Archive for the 'manipulation' Category

A Great Awakening: The Blog Revival

Well, my plan worked.  Everyone is gone and there is nobody to read/write entries.  All mine!  mwhaahaahaa.  Anyway, it’s been awhile and I just wanted to start off by telling everyone that they are gay. 

 For news, well, I ran into a long lost brother: III dog.  I was standing outside of an academic building dreading the fact that I had to go to class and up walks the one the only.  But, does everyone know that grad school is for fags?  This shit blows and if you ever feel any inclination to lead a more fulfilling life and escape your wage slavery–don’t.  Yes, that’s right.  You have an eyewitness that is telling you.  Live an unfulfilling, selfish life.  Work, put in your eight hours, go home, and forget about what hell you just went through.  The beauty of work is that you can leave it at the office if you want.  Grad school is gay.  I’ve actually decided to do my reading for once and now all I do is fucking read.  Read, Read, REad.  And, some may say,  “well, that guy is lucky.  He is enlightening his brain and reading interesting stuff.”  Well, if you think that is the case you are sorely mistaken.  Nothing is interesting in my course of study.  I mean, does anyone find gender roles in Antebellum (pre-war) America interesting?  No, only man-hating lezzies.  Well, I guess I miss not reading cool stuff and listening to people talk about it. 

On another note, all the nay-sayer can eat a big fat because the Giants won the Super Bowl.  Yep, that’s right, Giants.  As for shit-talk for upcoming events, Red Sox are looking to defend their championship.  Unfortunately, I’ll be stuck watching the National League suck the big one. 

Anyway, I’ve got to go eat dinner at 7 -11.  Ahh, the good life. 

 Also, stoney, suit, roughty, and twitch are gay. 

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Halo 3, Tokyo Game Show, and my wishes

Today was a big day in the gaming world.  As the enormous, all-encompassing Tokyo Game Show is raging on, Halo 3 was unleashed upon the population.  See also: massive online complications with Xbox Live. 

By all accounts Halo 3 is what has been expected.  An unbeatable multiplayer experience with a good (not great) campaign mode.  However, the adequate campaign mode will get a pass from most gamers, seeing as most people will be playing the newest installment of Halo with friends, online or off.  See also: massive alcohol consumption, shit talking, and plummeting grades.

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Nothing can stand up to me, Master Chief.  Not your mom, girlfriend, social life, or grades.

I have recently become the proud owner of an Xbox 360, yet I did not pre-order a copy of Halo 3.  It looks like I will have to wait a couple of weeks before I enter the fray, however I am not worried.  I am currently engrossed in Bioshock, and I do not need some other nonsense to take up the minimal free time I have left.  See also: me being absent from this shitstem.

Yet, with all the hype surrounding the release of Halo 3, I did not feel the itch to quickly grab myself a copy.  Everytime I went into the GameStop around the corner to look for a Wii, purchase, or trade in some games, I was constantly assaulted by the sales associates about pre-ordering myself a copy.  These motherfuckers can really put a guilt trip on you, especially when you tire of their bullshit and tell them you are not insanely excited about Halo 3’s release.  From the looks I was receiving from people in the store that day, I thought I was going to be excommunicated from the Church of Microsoft.

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Welcome to GameStop.  How can we obliterate your bank account today?

Despite the looks I receive from most gamers, I really was not excited about Halo 3’s release.  I will buy the game, and I am positive I will enjoy myself immensely, yet I did not feel I needed to have it right away.  There are two games for the 360 however, that I will be going apeshit over, and will be purchasing the day they are released.

ASSASSIN’S CREED

This game will be released this Novemeber, and it is being made by UbiSoft, the geniuses who brought my beloved Prince of Persia into the modern gaming age.  From initial accounts, Assassin’s Creed takes a lot of platforming (e.g. puzzle solving, wall climbing, environmental traversing) aspects from Prince of Persia and makes them better and more fluid.  If you have never played Prince of Persia, that is no easy feat.

Futhermore, this game is set during the Crusades in Jerusalem; an often overlooked time period in gaming.  According to UbiSoft, the combat system features over 14,000 different animations in which you can maneuver your character.  Not too much is known about the story, but I am extremely excited to get a hold of this game, and see what the minds at UbiSoft have created for a Crusades style assassin game.

NINJA GAIDEN II

If you have not played Ninja Gaiden for the Xbox, shame on you.  Shame, shame.  I got the first Ninja Gaiden the day it came out in 2004, and I still cannot put it down.  I have beaten a bunch of times, and have even bought the re-release which threw faster, more challenging enemies at Ryu Hayabusa.  There is not much more I can say about this game other than it is easily my favorite game in the last 15 years.

Naturally, with this kind of admiration for the first, I am eagerly awaiting the sequel.  Today I have seen the first video of gameplay from the Tokyo Game Show, and….WOW.  WOW.  The gameplay is fluid and beautiful as ever, and while I thought the graphics of the first already looked like the they were being churned out by the 360, I was amazed to see the strides made with this sequel.  And oh yes, it is much more grusome than the maddeningly grusome first, next generation installment.

For those loyal readers, you will remember many times on this blog I refer to my ninja alter ego, ninja powers, or ninja activities; Ninja Gaiden is the inspiration for all that nonsense.  The other Stonies used to bust my balls about my love for Ninja Gaiden, however Stoney has recently become hooked on this game while in LA.  If he ever gets enough wiggle room in his weed budget and buys a 360, I am sure this will be the only game he will buy.

Behold, the greatest game that will ever be on the 360.  That’s right, fuck off Halo 3. 

It is a bit long at 9 minutes, but I assure you, once Ryu starts dismembering and eviscerating, you will hardly notice the time going by.

If you own an Xbox 360 by the time this game is released next year, PICK IT UP.  It is a challenging (really challenging), fast, fun game in an era when these games are becoming rarer.  Oh sorry Dank, I know you wouldn’t mind buying about the millionth World War II game to be released.

Twitchie, Get Your Shit Together

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Twitch, I didn’t want to do it, but I had to. Your butt-sex post is TOAST, despite good readership and high commentage. I appreciate your quality and style, but I must refer you to my 2nd blog post, and then the 2nd riznule. That’s right, sucka, Lady T is finally getting you back for the Drawing Room headlock episode. I might add that this is a pre-emptive edit, if that makes you feel better.

Like I’ve said before…

We Are In Control Here

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Anyway, old buddy, I hope you aren’t too mad that I ultra-edited your flagrant bullshit. Dink! Maybe you can think of something else to write about than your naked misadventures…although I know it could be hard to do.

As a tribute to you, I dedicate this post to you, and your deceased 2nd post.

To waking up in the middle of a night to screams of, “I fucking killed somebody! I fucking killed somebody! Holy shit I fucking killed somebody!”

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To Laredo and Nuevo Laredo.

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To your discovery of the Drawing Room, and subsequent adventures.

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To my continued physical dominance of your weak, pathetic martial arts.

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Update: Free Speech wins again…but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

And this is why you don’t try and mug somebody

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=49750&cl=3998436&ch=61492&src=news

Please, Please, Please check out the second video as well.  It is the best.  They’re building the army. 

And…

russia’s new bomb

And a little local news…

the tree climbing dog.

now for something pretty good.  sorry no substance.  i’m supposed to have a task here any hour now, so i can’t get writing.  I figured i’d just post videos like our laughably lauded loser blog poster, roughty.

Bow to your Master, except Suit, I need a Dr.’s Appointment

Well, neophytes, mongloids, troglodytes, and our readers, ol’ dank has done it again– 
Er got it done for him by his friends.  You are now reading the words of a future ex-masters student sure to be defamed and broken by the iron hand of american higher education.  Well, by iron hand, i more like mean crippled grip that lets the waste of the future generation slip through its fingers and into the bowels of bullshit.  I must tell all you little stonies that if your heart desires titles, respect, publishing outlets, and degrees in higher higher education simply wait for your good buddy to do it and then ride his coat-tails.  This is the stoney way.  It goes back to the beginning of time and only the savage can guiltlessly ride the wave of others’ success and call it their own. 

Stoney himself cheated his balls off of my econ exam one time for a 65.  Except he was too lazy to do it well and fell short of my 66.  Then we walked 20 yards out the door and convinced ourselves that tests are illegitimate (arguable) and that tests aren’t real (even more likely) and neither is the world–all over a big fat boombalatty. 

Roughty is currently in his seventh year and is a sophomore.  Twitch, never went to school because he could not tear himself away from his mother’s teat and has been home-schooled for fear his mothers always says-quote-They’re all gonna laugh at you.  Suit, well Pet World here we come.  I think we gotta get a few piles of dog food for me to lay on while you take care of the bidnaz.  I’ll just write some poetry and sneak you cigaweeds in the back by the dumpsters. 

 Well, I’m still sitting here at work waiting for somebody to tell me what to do.  This will be my eighth consecutive hour of waiting for directions while i get paid for this bloggity blogerfification.  I just want to let you all know that you can pursue graduate work by never going to class, never reading books, never staying awake when there, never stopping smoking weed, never trying, and always, always giving it your worst. 

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Stoney, the Fairweather fan shittalker

another moronic uninformed post by stoney below.  if he had any knowledge of the game last night, he would know that eli manning was just about the only thing happening in the game for the giants besides plaxico burress and amani toomer.   oh yeah, third stringer derek ward looked fucking good as hell too.  Eli Manning went 29-40 with 312 yards, threw 4 tds and one interception.  Detractors must know that the interception returned for a touchdown was caused by the venerable plaxico burress, 3 tds and 120+ yards, losing his footing on a comback route. 

 Stoney however, prolly does not know what a comeback route is.  I must blow up this idiotic  attack on Roughty and I’s NY Giants.  I was called late last night to talk about whatever it is we stoneies decide to poop out of our mouths at any given moment.  i informed the said fairweather flan, as in without much substance, i had watched a dissapointing loss by the Giants.  He exclaimed, “oh, i was watching a little bit of that”.  Now, to my surprise, Stoney was actually watching a sporting event.  I was not surprised that he did not watch much of it.  You see, dear readers, Stoney has the attention span of a pre-geico caveman and the patience of a snarling rabid dog.  He watches sports only to be one of the ‘boys’  and plug is whiny vagina for a few brief moments with acceptance and masculinity. 

 Anyone who watched the game, even briefly, with the slightest knowledge of football (mine is certainly slight due to my entrenched knowledge of the world’s game and america’s past time) would have recognized the categorical breakdown of the vagiants defense.  This is been the problem for the last two years, none so evident as a night when the offense looked great.  If anyone wants another reason why they sucked, just look at the blank face of Tom Coughlin. The team is beyond his control, but luckily Eli has manned up and taken responsibility as a quarterback.  The defense however, is weak and lost.  Not to detract from the natural ability of Tony Romo, but the secondary (that is everyone but the linebackers and o-line, stoney) is swiss cheese and has been for awhile.  Nonetheless, the Giants will still be the best team ever to play in history and will overcome not only its own obstacles of disorganization, motivation, and injury, but crush the critics of crass cantankerousness.  Now, onto the original motive of my coming out of retirement. 

 wait, one more, tiki barber retired, stoney.  his brother is still playing for your team.

 ‘Your Team’  a quick rundown of Stoney’s ‘teams’. 

Baseball-Yankees, when they win; Dodgers for a sense of belonging

NHL- Red Wings

NFL- Colts, Pats, Bucs,

Soccer-Brasil

if ever unsure, check the column marked ‘w’ and pick the top one. 

To completely emasculate my dear brother, stoney, I must reveal that the ammunition for his uninformed attack came from yours truly.  Before abruptly ending our conversation on his own terms, he double-checked the primers on his shit-talking munitions asking, “so it was the Giant’s defense?”  So, not only was his misinformation blatantly retarded, but also totally gay.  Next time Stoney, don’t smoke dope in the proverbial munitions storehouse. 

On a side note, Twitch, you never staked your claim for your ‘team’.

The list goes:

Stoney-Bucs

Suit- the one with the fastest black man

Roughty- hometown Foreskins

Dank-Giants and any team with fast black men, especially qb’s.

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Thanks for reading, readerous readers, you’re a loser if you think we’re cool. 

This message brought to you by the following:

YO, JOE!

 Who’s ready to get drafted?

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Sincerely,

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Finally getting paid to do this like you guys.   Done 20 minutes of work today. 

Getting Paid!

You Decide

I AM NOT GAY

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riiiiggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhtttttttt………..

He just likes having sex with dudes he doesn’t know.

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(in a Dankalicious voice…)

Here’s to the memories”

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This one goes out to Dank. Listen up, fools.

Weekend Bonus:

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President Putin Kissing a Fish