Archive for the 'non-savage' Category

A Great Awakening: The Blog Revival

Well, my plan worked.  Everyone is gone and there is nobody to read/write entries.  All mine!  mwhaahaahaa.  Anyway, it’s been awhile and I just wanted to start off by telling everyone that they are gay. 

 For news, well, I ran into a long lost brother: III dog.  I was standing outside of an academic building dreading the fact that I had to go to class and up walks the one the only.  But, does everyone know that grad school is for fags?  This shit blows and if you ever feel any inclination to lead a more fulfilling life and escape your wage slavery–don’t.  Yes, that’s right.  You have an eyewitness that is telling you.  Live an unfulfilling, selfish life.  Work, put in your eight hours, go home, and forget about what hell you just went through.  The beauty of work is that you can leave it at the office if you want.  Grad school is gay.  I’ve actually decided to do my reading for once and now all I do is fucking read.  Read, Read, REad.  And, some may say,  “well, that guy is lucky.  He is enlightening his brain and reading interesting stuff.”  Well, if you think that is the case you are sorely mistaken.  Nothing is interesting in my course of study.  I mean, does anyone find gender roles in Antebellum (pre-war) America interesting?  No, only man-hating lezzies.  Well, I guess I miss not reading cool stuff and listening to people talk about it. 

On another note, all the nay-sayer can eat a big fat because the Giants won the Super Bowl.  Yep, that’s right, Giants.  As for shit-talk for upcoming events, Red Sox are looking to defend their championship.  Unfortunately, I’ll be stuck watching the National League suck the big one. 

Anyway, I’ve got to go eat dinner at 7 -11.  Ahh, the good life. 

 Also, stoney, suit, roughty, and twitch are gay. 

Advertisements

Music is not just dead, it has been murdered

Music used to be alive and well, prospering even.  After enjoying decades of progression of sound, style, savagery, the last 7-10 years have been quite a disappointment.  Unfortunately, it has become an evil I have learned to live with.  I have my CD collection (that’s right, fuck IPods) and I am damn proud of it.

Music is not created anymore, all that are created are flash-in-the-pan media sensations the 8-14 year old girl demographic can have blossoming sexual fantasies about.  Oh yeah, and the teenage gyrating girls have the target dempgraphic of 8-65 year old men too.  Basically, those with musical taste are fucked. 

It is no longer about talent, but marketability.  Can you sing and dance?  Marvelous, but if you don’t have a GQ or Victoria’s Secret face, there is no future for you.  Go have some surgery with the assholes on Rodeo Drive, then maybe we can talk.

Whatever happened to giving people like Janis Joplin, Ray Charles, Chuck Berry, etc a chance?  They were all ugly motherfuckers, but who cared?  The ability and passion they showed through their music overshadowed any arbitrary physical negatives.  Their music inspired, and continues to inspire people.  These are timeless artists; those whose melodies and lyrics could transcend generations and still be relevant to your grandchildren.  Let’s see how, “Hit me baby, one more time”, “Dirrrrrrrrrrrrty”, and “Tearin’ up my heart” survive the next 20 years.  Oh wait, you already forgot about those songs and those people?  That’s right, they are all shadows of their former non-talented multi million dollar selves.   

Take a look at the most recent highest selling albums.  I haven’t, but if I have learned anything from TV and USA Today, they are as follows.

1.  High School Musical

2. High School Musical 2

3. High School Musical 3

4. Hannah Montana

5. Solja Boi

Who the fuck are these people?  Useless euthanasia canidates for all I care.

My hatred for contemporary music has been brooding for a long time.  There has not been any new music I have enjoyed in quite some time.  Whatever my disdain is for these Johnny and Jenny come latelies, what I saw today was pre-meditated musical murder.  This, “artist” had to plan, rehearse, and ultimately feel good enough to carry out the act.  According to law, this clearly establishes criminal intent, which is punishable by death.  If America had any balls (which it does not) this person would be put to death.

Who am I talking about?  Fergie, of course.  Viewer discretion is advised, suggested, and encouraged because I doubt you readers can be held accountable for your actions.

Jesus, how off-key do you have to be to get gonged and have a comically oversized hook wrapped around your neck, dragging you off stage in shame.  Apparently, at least 3 octaves.

I’ll give it to Fergie however.  She, or her prop manager (most likely her prop manager) is incredibly clever.  Fashioning a gun on the microphone stand, and having Fergie point and shoot at the audience is a brilliant allegory for the vocal assault upon the audiences’ ears.  Furthermore, if it wasn’t bad enough to have Fergie perform at whatever Bizzaro World venue this was, the promoters had that drunken retarded dwarf Danny DeVito introduce her. 

I can just imagine the pre-concert meeting with all the executives.

“Hey, you know what would make this show great?  If we cash in on the waning popularity of a dancer with no singing talent from an Uncle Tom rap group.”

*yeahs can be heard all around as all the yes men jiggle their turkey necks*

“Snap!  You know what would be better?  Let’s have her bastardize an incredible Paul McCartney song with her cottage cheese thighs laboriously tucked into leather pants gyrating around a stage full of pyrotechnics and over-the-hill backup dancers.”

“Oh yeah, and let’s get Danny DeVito to sing her praises and introduce her.”

“Secretary, draft two blank checks for these untalented non savage assholes.” 

Hark Upon the Gale

PBK inductee

Fat Ladies on the Elevator

All the time, I’m going down in the elevator, and when I get to the bottom, there’s a fat, old lady trying to barge in, even before I have a chance to get out.

Now, this doesn’t happen every once in a while. It happens ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Why do old, fat ladies think that the elevator is going to be empty when it hits the bottom? Did you forget about logic and the 22 floors sitting above your fat head? Or do you think you are just entitled to get in first, before I can even get out?

Next time you are in an elevator, and someone rushes in before you have a chance to get out…ask yourself…

Why is this old, fat bitch in such a hurry to get in the elevator?

fat_lady_470x705.jpg

Riding Bikes = Doing Drugs

Fucking retards.

What the fuck is up with cyclists these days? How many of them have to get busted or be shady before it’s just done, and they either quit testing or quit using.

So far the count is 3 out this year for being shady, including an entire team getting kicked out of the Tour de France for doping. Must suck to get busted for a drug that doesn’t even get you high.

Last year was hilarious, with Floyd Landis winning and then getting busted at the end. Classic. Floyd Landis, if you haven’t heard, is one fucking weird looking dude.

floyd_landis.jpg

2006-tdf-winner_floyd-landis1.jpg

Now this year, the leader of the race was kicked off his team, for missing two random drug tests. He says he was “in Mexico.” I’ve been to Mexico, and it always involves doing drugs of some kind. He should have said he was in Russia or something, or South Asia.

michael-rasmussen.jpg

Anyway, why don’t they quit? Don’t they know that when you are a mickey mouse rider, and all the sudden you kill everybody, that they are going to drug test you? After everyone is getting busted so bad….you STILL want to go do drugs?

I blame the French. Their weak-willed, socialist society cannot handle the responsibility of enforcing the rules, so now, the entire fucking scene has become a joke.

Freedom Fries Forever, bitches.

At least in America, we know that the athletes we love and admire come clean to the game, and keep the true spirit of competition alive by playing fair, and sticking to the rules.

God Bless America

bonds-hero.jpg

Celebrities Scientology Monday Fuck-Off

It’s fucking Monday, and that sucks. The birthday weekend was a success.

Driving down Hollywood Blvd on Saturday afternoon, it really struck me how much Scientology is picking up. I used to live right next to the Scientology college, or whatever, so I was used to it, but when I came in for a visit, I just couldn’t believe how many huge buildings said “Scientology” on the side, or there was some L. Ron Hubbard bullshit running around. I bought Dianetics about a year ago, and read most of it.

One of the main points about Scientology is you can’t get fucked up. No drinking, smoking or doing drugs at all. You have to be totally there upstairs to get “clear”….you know what else you need to jump into “clear?” About a million bucks. Some of the later auditing sessions cost up to 1k an hour, so it’s quite expensive.

Anyway, pros and cons aside, South Park did the funniest Scientology spoof when Tom Cruise and R. Kelly wouldn’t come out of the closet, and then flashed “THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS REALLY BELIEVE” when they talked about the aliens, and the tortured souls, and the whole Scientology part.

Scientology Roll Call

Danny Masterson

76_danny_masterson.jpg

Beck

beck-comp.png

Sonny Bono (bonus points for governmental infiltration)

sonny-bono.jpg

Jason Lee (seen at the Sonic Youth show Friday…extra Celebrity Alien bonus)

***Major Edit, Wikipedia entry: “He and his fiancée Beth Riesgraf have a son named Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee (b. September 28, 2003).

PILOT INSPEKTOR RIESGRAF LEE

PILOT INSPEKTOR RIESGRAF LEE

earl_hickey.jpg

I think that the Scientologist Celebrities list is much, much less important than the “on the fringe” Scientologist list.

Who is running the new Hollywood media blitz race?

Posh and Becks

posh_n_becks.jpg

Who is best boys with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?

Fresh Prince and his dyke ass wife Jada Pinkett

jada_pinkett_smith33.jpg

Scientology PowerHouse Picture of the Week

2beckhamsgroupr_468x408.jpg

The Guillotine? Please, Biatch

I’ve got one hand to type with, so it won;t be much.  My one hand however will blow your proverbial loads with the profundity of my blogging wizardry.  just returned from afar and am currently ‘sojourning in society’ (name that author) to the desperate delight of all you unsavage settled society sinners.  in this jingle jangle morning without a tambourine i am inspired to waste more space on the blog.  in my absence and natural objective disconnection combined with a previous feeling i must say we have all become lazy.  we have relied on pictures to glitter our stories with extra sensory excitement.  with that said, here’s some of that…

For all of us Americans.  Yippee kay yay motherfuckers.  oh yeah, james marshall served in the 101st till he broke his leg on a jump.  Currahee! i know i celebrated in true american fashion on white man don’t pay your taxes day–i blew shit up.

p.s.  i’m just going to start Dankknuggets’s weekly music video.  it will however be more like whenever i get to it and i’ll prolly get tired after like three.  oh, zack kim is retroactively part of this mini series, so i guess there’s one left.  well, here goes…

p.s.s. just cause i’ve been out of contact for awhile– roughty, you’re a bitch.  and who the hell is gn?  and once again, roughty, you’re a bitch. 

 check below too, related but not the same.