Top 5 Reasons Why Roughty = NOVA

Disclaimer: All of this stuff about Roughty is not true. Though he did go to high school in NOVA, he is NOT from NOVA, and I just made all this other stuff up. I hate NOVA, and wish none of that gayness unto my homie, Roughty. Thanks for letting me rip on you in public (even though you twisted my arm for this disclaimer).

NOVA. The word alone inspires shivers and diarrhea in the depths of my soul. (No)rthern (V)irgini(a). Exactly. Just look at the way they made up this worthless acronym, and you will begin to see a long list of travesties surrounding this buttwipe of an area. Fuck NOVA. I’m from Florida. Everybody has fun in Florida, goes outside, goes to the beach, runs around, plays sports, and smiles. I came to the shithole Williamsburg to start college, and I was BLOWN AWAY by how pale, lame, and fucking gay everybody who went to school there was. Then, I heard whispers of “Nova,” like it was some special fucking frat that you can be in to get free cookies, and after a few days, I asked someone what it was, and they told me.

“NOVA really means Northern Virginia.”

Wow. What a fucking gay thing to say to someone who you don’t really know. I soon realized that the majority of my school actually came from NOVA, and I just began associating all the fucking gayness and shitheadedness that I saw in my daily life directly with NOVA.

What does NOVA mean to me? What do I think about when I hear or say that word? NOVA means pale & flubby, rain, jean skirts and high leather boots, my daddy works in the government, Audis, VW, Abercrombie, puka shells, hair gel, Simpsons reruns and the list goes on and on.

I’m going to stop myself, and segue into the real point of this post….Roughty is from NOVA.

Roughty was born in New Jersey, or so he says. Then, he moved to NOVA when he was like 1 or 2, and now he claims 100% Jersey heritage. Fuck that. Roughty, you are from NOVA, and that is it. Consider yourself the only NOVA-ite not up for immediate execution in the United Federation of Stonification. You’re welcome, I know I’m being too nice already.

Here’s some proof that Roughty is from NOVA.

1. Roughty’s dad is a corporate lawyer. This is an important one. If your daddy works in the State Deparment, or the Treasury, or is an ambassador, or any other such self-important nonsense, then odds are that YOU live in NOVA. I feel sorry for you. NOVA-ites get a large part of their inspiration to be terrible and weak from their feelings of entitlement and inheritance, which stems directly from the parents’ job. My daddy works in D.C. My daddy blabla. blablabla. Who cares. You and yo daddy are weak.

2. Roughty went to a “good” school (but then he dropped out to get drunk). The Roughty clan has infiltrated higher education institutions, spreading their self-righteous snobbery like the plague. NOVA-ites often are sent away to a college factory, deep in the hills of the Blue Ridge Mountains to prepare themselves for years of success in college and later life. These NOVA-bots all expect to go the “best” school, because daddy wrote a letter to the President and donated 1k to the marching band. Notable Roughty NOVA college-related infestations include: Williamsburg, Richmond, and NYC. NYC has a thriving NOVA ex-patriate population. Ex-NOVA NYCers are probably the worst type of person imaginable. First, you get the typical NOVA, “I’m the coolest person and I listen to N-Sync” thing, and then couple that with the feelings of specialness and coolness that come with living in a “hip” city and drinking organic beer….you get a fucking weak, weak combination of douchebaggery. Roughty, don’t move to NYC.

3. Favorite baseball team is the Red Sox. Novites are CLASSIC posers and wannabes. During the Yankees/Sox playoffs a few years back, it was NUTS how many faggot ass NOVA-ites busted out their weak-ass Boston hat to cheer for the weakest team in the history of baseball. Boston Red Sox are lame, and so are their legion of fans from NOVA.

4. Roughty wears tight shirts and jeans. Roughty, buy some new pants or else kiss your unborn kids goodbye. Abercrombie & Fitch is HUGE in the NOVA crowd, no matter how hard they try to deny it. NOVA-ites will deny, deny, deny that they ever had anything to do with A&F when it was popping off. If a NOVA-ite ever denies his favorite store like this, just maneuver your hand around the popped collar to show the dumbass the A&F tag on his shirt, or ask him where he bought that puka shell necklace. If he/she says American Eagle, that’s just as bad too.

5. Roughty’s family currently lives in Fairfax, VA. In the same house he grew up in.


PS- Notable NOVA-ites that are fucking gay include: Nate the Player-Hate and Ned.


5 Responses to “Top 5 Reasons Why Roughty = NOVA”

  1. 1 suityourself July 11, 2007 at 8:34 am

    point 1 — you’re right. nova is sorrrrrry.

    point 2 — careful, now. if i recall, roughty’s team is the mets. (why? i couldn’t say.)

    point 3 — nate the playa-hate is def. homo in the worst sense of the word… but he sure can siiiiiiing. “Shot through the heart, and you’re to-o blame; ho-nay, you give lo-o-ove a bayad name.”

    point 4 — watch out, because nova is spreading faster than you might think. right here in ORF i ran into a guy the other day who was wearing (you guessed it) the puka necklace and a plaid, summery shirt with the collar at full-pop. so i walk over to this guy and say, “don’t i know you?” (i knew i didn’t know this fucker. he didn’t have a ganga leaf on his shirt, so… but anyway, he says, “i don’t know.” so i say. “where are you from?” he says, “fairfax county.” so, then i said, “oh, neat.” and then i walked away, hopefully never to see this fuck again. my point is, when novanians come down to norfolk, we are all in a lot of trouble. world’s worst weed species.

    point 5 — roughty, you are fully exempted from my perspective. while i hate your awful community, i like you. you drink, and one time we spiked a bong you smoked with b-b-b-blow! this means that you’ll never get a gov’t job, so you’re ok in my book. (congratulations)

  2. 2 stoneywageslave July 11, 2007 at 8:42 am

    lol. true. you should have seen roughty’s fury via AIM when he read this post.

    “It’s all lies.”

    “Write what you want about me, but make sure it’s true.”


    Roughty, you are big pimping in the highest sense of the word. Mas Respect, biyatch.

  3. 3 Roughty July 11, 2007 at 8:44 am

    Fucking Charlie is everywhere! Getting assaulted from all sides. Whatever, a disclaimer was needed seeing as the subject material about me and my clan is falsified and unwarranted. If we are going to write fiction here, there are a few subjects I would like to take up with you Stones.

    That being said, NOVA is weak. I even hate saying NOVA. I had to endure my high school years there. None of you bitches had to live there; I was before the eye of the beast we are fighting gentlemen. So I have no pity for your spite, because you can jab from down south, or in Stoney’s case, from another coast.

  4. 4 dankknuggets July 18, 2007 at 4:23 pm

    i would have to say that stoney, in all his jesuit school, 3.91, eddie bauer, dr. martin, tennis playing glory, i believe his anger is born of not receiving credit for the probable creation of the popped collar.

    insert scowl

    furthermore, stoney has two possibilities if he warrants his home teams to be formerly the spankees and now the dodgers. the two originals can only be the tampa yankees or the tampa bay devil rays. the yankees are from new york and they suck, i hate them despite my proximity to the big rotten apple.

    mets were good when i was young and uninformed. they can sometimes surprise me. furthermore, i only like the red sox cause they won the world series. i would like that duly noted.

    p.s. the armpit is great!

  5. 5 stoneywageslave July 19, 2007 at 6:51 am

    thank you for respecting the tampa yankees

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: