Archive for the 'Fuckoff' Category

A Great Awakening: The Blog Revival

Well, my plan worked.  Everyone is gone and there is nobody to read/write entries.  All mine!  mwhaahaahaa.  Anyway, it’s been awhile and I just wanted to start off by telling everyone that they are gay. 

 For news, well, I ran into a long lost brother: III dog.  I was standing outside of an academic building dreading the fact that I had to go to class and up walks the one the only.  But, does everyone know that grad school is for fags?  This shit blows and if you ever feel any inclination to lead a more fulfilling life and escape your wage slavery–don’t.  Yes, that’s right.  You have an eyewitness that is telling you.  Live an unfulfilling, selfish life.  Work, put in your eight hours, go home, and forget about what hell you just went through.  The beauty of work is that you can leave it at the office if you want.  Grad school is gay.  I’ve actually decided to do my reading for once and now all I do is fucking read.  Read, Read, REad.  And, some may say,  “well, that guy is lucky.  He is enlightening his brain and reading interesting stuff.”  Well, if you think that is the case you are sorely mistaken.  Nothing is interesting in my course of study.  I mean, does anyone find gender roles in Antebellum (pre-war) America interesting?  No, only man-hating lezzies.  Well, I guess I miss not reading cool stuff and listening to people talk about it. 

On another note, all the nay-sayer can eat a big fat because the Giants won the Super Bowl.  Yep, that’s right, Giants.  As for shit-talk for upcoming events, Red Sox are looking to defend their championship.  Unfortunately, I’ll be stuck watching the National League suck the big one. 

Anyway, I’ve got to go eat dinner at 7 -11.  Ahh, the good life. 

 Also, stoney, suit, roughty, and twitch are gay. 

The End of a Blog

This isn’t the end of the blog, or at least I don’t think it is.

This is the part of the South Park episode where all the little kids talk about what they learned this time around.

I learned that people respond better to drunken retards than to whiny introverts. Roughty, you are the king of the blog.

I learned that I really don’t have that much to say after all, despite thinking/wanting to. At the end of the day, I am just a regular dude. The grounding aspect of the bleezy has helped me to gain a perspective on who I am and what the fuck I’m doing.

I started the blog to give me piece of mind during my terrible work day. I needed something to do.

To all the people who never read the blog: I hope you know what you missed.

To all the people who did read the blog: I hope you had fun reading this bullshit.

To all the people who used to write on the blog but quit: You fall into both of the above categories, and you are all gay.

I win, I am the best, I am the king.

Of this blog.

MMA set to annihilate Hollywood

And I do mean annihilate.  This movie, “Beyond the Ring” is the stuff studios get wrecking balls taken to them over.  If you love inexplicable slow motion, fake accents, worse fight scenes, and terrible knock-off Korn music, your movie has finally come to fruition.  Oh, and add in a whopping dose of Gary Busey (like there is any other kind of dose of Gary Busey).

WOW!  Consider my face melted.  I had my reservations about joining that MMA class down the street, but now that I know I have the opportunity to make $300,000, save a little girl from a deadly brain tumor, AND bleed my own blood, I will be first in line tomorrow morning to rock that dojo. 

I may not be the fastest, strongest, or most skilled, but Hollywood has taught me all I need is heart.  Heart, and an older black man as my mentor (preferably a blind one, but I will take what I can get).  Oh, and a chiseled jaw, and a girl who is dating the king of the dojo who is taken by surprise for her strange new feelings for the dashingly handsome upstart in the MMA world. 

Before I get ahead of myself though, we do need to list a few of the highly egregious fouls this movie commits.

1.  Tossing in a useless sub-plot to tug at the heartstrings of the .5% of the population who will see this movie.  I mean, seriously.  Come on.  Am I supposed to believe this guy is fighting to raise $300,000 to get rid of her brain tumor.  First of all, if this little girl has no insurance, I am sure her bills have far surpassed that figure by now, and she hasn’t even had the surgery yet.  So, the main motive for your movie is out the fucking window from the get-go, congrats.

2.  Stating in your movie that your, “sport” is the most dangerous, most important, most famous, etc…etc in the world.  This is something inferior movies about inferior activities must include in at least the preview to get people to come watch.  I cannot recall watching a baseball, football, or basketball movie where there is some painful line going out of its way to state the obvious.  We know it is the World Series, Super Bowl, or NBA championship, because we know and care about those sports.

Yet when you get a movie about MMA for example, you must listen to some dumbass line such as, “This is the most dangerous profession in the world”.  Yeah, behind soldier, deep sea diver, police officer, fire fighter, astronaut, blogger, and so on.  Get over yourself MMA.

3.  Making me wish Jean Claude Van Damme, Steven Segal, or Gov. Schwarzenegger would make an appearance.  They don’t even need to do much, maybe a roundhouse kick here, a chop to the neck there, or even a terrible one-liner in some phony Austrain accent.  Anything to save me from the abomination this movie became. 

Ugh, it’s too early to get my blood riled up.

Alert, Stonies!

Let’s just get this out in the open, because I know I will have to endure an avalanche of bullshit from these assholes here at SWS. The youngest Roughton is turning 18 in a matter of days. Stoney, I know this day has been marked on your calendar since 2001. It’s okay, my sisters and I have too much class for the likes of you jokers. Oh hey, what’s Suit’s sister’s number again?


Genetically enhanced humans you say Stoney? Don’t ever forget it.

Author’s Note: Tonight is the long awaited roller disco party. My friend has rented out a skating rink in the Richmond ghetto, and she has made sure ridiculousness and debauchery will be rampant. I will be inebriated for the next 36-48 hours, so enjoy your weekend readers.


Stoney, the Fairweather fan shittalker

another moronic uninformed post by stoney below.  if he had any knowledge of the game last night, he would know that eli manning was just about the only thing happening in the game for the giants besides plaxico burress and amani toomer.   oh yeah, third stringer derek ward looked fucking good as hell too.  Eli Manning went 29-40 with 312 yards, threw 4 tds and one interception.  Detractors must know that the interception returned for a touchdown was caused by the venerable plaxico burress, 3 tds and 120+ yards, losing his footing on a comback route. 

 Stoney however, prolly does not know what a comeback route is.  I must blow up this idiotic  attack on Roughty and I’s NY Giants.  I was called late last night to talk about whatever it is we stoneies decide to poop out of our mouths at any given moment.  i informed the said fairweather flan, as in without much substance, i had watched a dissapointing loss by the Giants.  He exclaimed, “oh, i was watching a little bit of that”.  Now, to my surprise, Stoney was actually watching a sporting event.  I was not surprised that he did not watch much of it.  You see, dear readers, Stoney has the attention span of a pre-geico caveman and the patience of a snarling rabid dog.  He watches sports only to be one of the ‘boys’  and plug is whiny vagina for a few brief moments with acceptance and masculinity. 

 Anyone who watched the game, even briefly, with the slightest knowledge of football (mine is certainly slight due to my entrenched knowledge of the world’s game and america’s past time) would have recognized the categorical breakdown of the vagiants defense.  This is been the problem for the last two years, none so evident as a night when the offense looked great.  If anyone wants another reason why they sucked, just look at the blank face of Tom Coughlin. The team is beyond his control, but luckily Eli has manned up and taken responsibility as a quarterback.  The defense however, is weak and lost.  Not to detract from the natural ability of Tony Romo, but the secondary (that is everyone but the linebackers and o-line, stoney) is swiss cheese and has been for awhile.  Nonetheless, the Giants will still be the best team ever to play in history and will overcome not only its own obstacles of disorganization, motivation, and injury, but crush the critics of crass cantankerousness.  Now, onto the original motive of my coming out of retirement. 

 wait, one more, tiki barber retired, stoney.  his brother is still playing for your team.

 ‘Your Team’  a quick rundown of Stoney’s ‘teams’. 

Baseball-Yankees, when they win; Dodgers for a sense of belonging

NHL- Red Wings

NFL- Colts, Pats, Bucs,


if ever unsure, check the column marked ‘w’ and pick the top one. 

To completely emasculate my dear brother, stoney, I must reveal that the ammunition for his uninformed attack came from yours truly.  Before abruptly ending our conversation on his own terms, he double-checked the primers on his shit-talking munitions asking, “so it was the Giant’s defense?”  So, not only was his misinformation blatantly retarded, but also totally gay.  Next time Stoney, don’t smoke dope in the proverbial munitions storehouse. 

On a side note, Twitch, you never staked your claim for your ‘team’.

The list goes:


Suit- the one with the fastest black man

Roughty- hometown Foreskins

Dank-Giants and any team with fast black men, especially qb’s.


Thanks for reading, readerous readers, you’re a loser if you think we’re cool. 

This message brought to you by the following:


 Who’s ready to get drafted?




Finally getting paid to do this like you guys.   Done 20 minutes of work today. 

Getting Paid!

Monster Post

And for my monster post, I have jack shit.

Dead tired, fucked up, trying to study for my CFA bullshit. I am fucking TOAST.

What can I say about anything? Nothing.

Does anybody care anyway? I’d guess “no.”


Want to be like a celebrity? Support Vick.


Vick better hope Ren doesn’t get a crack at him, that motherfucker is crazy.  Not Dank crazy, but just as liable to fuck you up.

Well, the latest celebrity to blindly defend Michael Vick and his douchbaggery is the knucklehead Jaime Foxx.  You can read his interview here.

Let’s review an excerpt:

“It’s a cultural thing, I think,” Jamie said. “Most brothers didn’t know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn’t know that was Fed time. So, mike probably just didn’t read his handbook on what not to do as a black star.”

Sure, let’s give Vick a break, he is the true victim here.  He was probably just unaware he faced “Fed” time for fighting and killing dogs.  Now that I think of it, people usually do things they don’t think are illegal in hidden, dark, windowless places.  Furthermore, digging graves to hide evidence shows me Vick and his hobbyists possess the clearest consciences in the tri-state area.

I think Jaime also let a secret slip to white America.  Maybe I am in the dark here, but I had no idea a, “handbook on what not to do as a black star” existed.  No-nos would most likely include, making it rain, firing your gun into the air outside a club, or masturbating to a porn DVD while driving your Escalade


“I know that cruelty to animals is bad, but sometimes people shoot people and kill people and don’t get time,” Jamie continued. “I think in this situation, he really didn’t know the extent of it, so I always give him the benefit of the doubt.”

That makes sense.  He’s young, rich, and can run fast, we should give him a pass.  Because we all know he can’t pass.  Ka-zing!  The nation, according to these celebrity Vick supporters, is unfairly attacking Vick.  Well I’m sorry.  Sorry to hold him to the laws real citizens have to live by.  I’m tired of this bullshit with celebrities getting off, or doing 1-2 days in jail. 

See also:




But then again, what do I know?  I’m broke, never been on TV, and I don’t have boobs.  Let’s listen to all these celebrities, sure I can trust them.  As a matter of fact, I recall I voted for George Clooney for president in 04.  People just were not ready in 04, maybe 08.

Welcome to Hell

New neighbor alert…

Attention, all, my new neighbor Carl is a fucking waster. Talk about getting wasted, this guy has no problem with it, follow it up with some Pacific Ocean boogie-board action, what else do you want?

Carl turned 28 on Sunday. What the fuck am I going to be doing when I’m 28? No goddamn telling. Hopefully, I will be rich and famous off of this blog, and I will be supporting my lifestyle through Google Adwords and stuff like that.

I have nothing to say. The Mets, The Braves…who really gives a shit. Everybody knows who the best baseball team in the history of the game is….kazing!


And, mid-post, we have another huge update. I just bought the domain, so there is no longer a bullshitstem necessary.

That’s what I call Professional Journalism, bitches. Please, no longer refer to this site as a “blog.” It is now a full-fledged “website,” and we will no longer be hindered by the censorship and shitty interface associated with wordpress. Pfft, jokers.

We have gone professional.


In other grand news, my boy Pete Doherty got arrested again this weekend. Fucking moron. What an idiot. I used to wear my Pete Doherty patch on my sleeve, but his flagrant disrespect for common drug laws are going to end up 1. killing him or 2. putting him in jail for so long that he loses his game (which is to say that he hasn’t lost it already).


I feel sad about Pete, because I like him so much. All hipsters owe him about 49% of their souls, the other 51% going directly to the church of the Strokes. I don’t feel sad “for” Pete, though…, just about him. I feel sorry for his Mom, mostly. She wrote a book about what it’s like to have a son who throws his life and talent away on drugs, never read it though. I imagine it’s pretty whiney.

Anyway, I’ve given up on him kind of. I loved the Libertines. I loved the Babyshambles…Down in Albion was fucking ridiculous, but his new EP….sucks. There’s only 1 good song out of 5, the other 4 sound like tired bags of shit. Worst.

That’s it for now, folks. Thanks for showing up, I guess. Fuck off if you want to.


I’m useless.

Unfortunately, we have changed roommates at my apartment.  There was some bad situations, and long story short, our internet connection is fucked.  Knowing Comcast, our connection will be in the shitter for about 3 weeks.  I am currently pirating some knuckle-dragger’s network, and will be doing so sporadically until we get our shit together. 

Unfortunately, Tom Glavine was not able to achieve his 300th win last night.  It would have been perfect, I had a post all ready about how Tom Glavine won his 300th game the same day “300” came out on DVD.  But alas, the fucking Brewers destroyed my literary license and my dreams.

I must keep this short, because whoever I am stealing internet from does not have his shit together, and this connection is precarious at best.  However, I saw something quite hilarious at work the other day.  While seating a guest in my section, I caught a glimpse of the power point presentation on his computer.  The title was an intant classic, “HOW TO SELL CIGARETTES TO NATIVE AMERICANS“.  Hilarious; the new peace pipe.


Apparently I don’t need to keep up with this bullshit everyday for us to kick ass.  Stoney is in the Keys, and I am useless, and StoneyWageSlave is still smiting all the mongoloids on the internet.  The Mets are on EPSN tonight, which means I must acquire beer.  Yes, beer and some potatoes.

Celebrities Scientology Monday Fuck-Off

It’s fucking Monday, and that sucks. The birthday weekend was a success.

Driving down Hollywood Blvd on Saturday afternoon, it really struck me how much Scientology is picking up. I used to live right next to the Scientology college, or whatever, so I was used to it, but when I came in for a visit, I just couldn’t believe how many huge buildings said “Scientology” on the side, or there was some L. Ron Hubbard bullshit running around. I bought Dianetics about a year ago, and read most of it.

One of the main points about Scientology is you can’t get fucked up. No drinking, smoking or doing drugs at all. You have to be totally there upstairs to get “clear”….you know what else you need to jump into “clear?” About a million bucks. Some of the later auditing sessions cost up to 1k an hour, so it’s quite expensive.

Anyway, pros and cons aside, South Park did the funniest Scientology spoof when Tom Cruise and R. Kelly wouldn’t come out of the closet, and then flashed “THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS REALLY BELIEVE” when they talked about the aliens, and the tortured souls, and the whole Scientology part.

Scientology Roll Call

Danny Masterson




Sonny Bono (bonus points for governmental infiltration)


Jason Lee (seen at the Sonic Youth show Friday…extra Celebrity Alien bonus)

***Major Edit, Wikipedia entry: “He and his fiancée Beth Riesgraf have a son named Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee (b. September 28, 2003).




I think that the Scientologist Celebrities list is much, much less important than the “on the fringe” Scientologist list.

Who is running the new Hollywood media blitz race?

Posh and Becks


Who is best boys with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?

Fresh Prince and his dyke ass wife Jada Pinkett


Scientology PowerHouse Picture of the Week