Archive for the 'NOVA' Category

Happy Birthday Roughty

a little waste of time…i’m sure your ending would be a little different to the night, but not by much.

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Periods. Are. Gay.

Period. People who use the period as a technique to mimic a faltering, staggered statement. Are. Gay.

I can’t stand that shit. It’s bad enough as it is. If you are not having an IM conversation, don’t play with words like that, because a 3-year old could come up with a more original and useful technique.

In conclusion, I have one thing to say to people who use periods in such a way to craft “cute” little pseudo-paragraphs.

Go. Back. To. NOVA.

Top 5 Reasons Why Roughty = NOVA

Disclaimer: All of this stuff about Roughty is not true. Though he did go to high school in NOVA, he is NOT from NOVA, and I just made all this other stuff up. I hate NOVA, and wish none of that gayness unto my homie, Roughty. Thanks for letting me rip on you in public (even though you twisted my arm for this disclaimer).

NOVA. The word alone inspires shivers and diarrhea in the depths of my soul. (No)rthern (V)irgini(a). Exactly. Just look at the way they made up this worthless acronym, and you will begin to see a long list of travesties surrounding this buttwipe of an area. Fuck NOVA. I’m from Florida. Everybody has fun in Florida, goes outside, goes to the beach, runs around, plays sports, and smiles. I came to the shithole Williamsburg to start college, and I was BLOWN AWAY by how pale, lame, and fucking gay everybody who went to school there was. Then, I heard whispers of “Nova,” like it was some special fucking frat that you can be in to get free cookies, and after a few days, I asked someone what it was, and they told me.

“NOVA really means Northern Virginia.”

Wow. What a fucking gay thing to say to someone who you don’t really know. I soon realized that the majority of my school actually came from NOVA, and I just began associating all the fucking gayness and shitheadedness that I saw in my daily life directly with NOVA.

What does NOVA mean to me? What do I think about when I hear or say that word? NOVA means pale & flubby, rain, jean skirts and high leather boots, my daddy works in the government, Audis, VW, Abercrombie, puka shells, hair gel, Simpsons reruns and the list goes on and on.

I’m going to stop myself, and segue into the real point of this post….Roughty is from NOVA.

Roughty was born in New Jersey, or so he says. Then, he moved to NOVA when he was like 1 or 2, and now he claims 100% Jersey heritage. Fuck that. Roughty, you are from NOVA, and that is it. Consider yourself the only NOVA-ite not up for immediate execution in the United Federation of Stonification. You’re welcome, I know I’m being too nice already.

Here’s some proof that Roughty is from NOVA.

1. Roughty’s dad is a corporate lawyer. This is an important one. If your daddy works in the State Deparment, or the Treasury, or is an ambassador, or any other such self-important nonsense, then odds are that YOU live in NOVA. I feel sorry for you. NOVA-ites get a large part of their inspiration to be terrible and weak from their feelings of entitlement and inheritance, which stems directly from the parents’ job. My daddy works in D.C. My daddy blabla. blablabla. Who cares. You and yo daddy are weak.

2. Roughty went to a “good” school (but then he dropped out to get drunk). The Roughty clan has infiltrated higher education institutions, spreading their self-righteous snobbery like the plague. NOVA-ites often are sent away to a college factory, deep in the hills of the Blue Ridge Mountains to prepare themselves for years of success in college and later life. These NOVA-bots all expect to go the “best” school, because daddy wrote a letter to the President and donated 1k to the marching band. Notable Roughty NOVA college-related infestations include: Williamsburg, Richmond, and NYC. NYC has a thriving NOVA ex-patriate population. Ex-NOVA NYCers are probably the worst type of person imaginable. First, you get the typical NOVA, “I’m the coolest person and I listen to N-Sync” thing, and then couple that with the feelings of specialness and coolness that come with living in a “hip” city and drinking organic beer….you get a fucking weak, weak combination of douchebaggery. Roughty, don’t move to NYC.

3. Favorite baseball team is the Red Sox. Novites are CLASSIC posers and wannabes. During the Yankees/Sox playoffs a few years back, it was NUTS how many faggot ass NOVA-ites busted out their weak-ass Boston hat to cheer for the weakest team in the history of baseball. Boston Red Sox are lame, and so are their legion of fans from NOVA.

4. Roughty wears tight shirts and jeans. Roughty, buy some new pants or else kiss your unborn kids goodbye. Abercrombie & Fitch is HUGE in the NOVA crowd, no matter how hard they try to deny it. NOVA-ites will deny, deny, deny that they ever had anything to do with A&F when it was popping off. If a NOVA-ite ever denies his favorite store like this, just maneuver your hand around the popped collar to show the dumbass the A&F tag on his shirt, or ask him where he bought that puka shell necklace. If he/she says American Eagle, that’s just as bad too.

5. Roughty’s family currently lives in Fairfax, VA. In the same house he grew up in.

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PS- Notable NOVA-ites that are fucking gay include: Nate the Player-Hate and Ned.