NASA, Get Your Shit Together

Guess how much NASA’s proposed budget was for this year? I just read it was $16.8 billion dollars. That is a shit load of money.

Let’s do a quick recap of the NASA fuckups in the recent past (what I can remember easily).

Who can forget this crazy bitch?

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Let’s see…she cheated on her husband, ditched her kids at home, and drove from Dallas to Orlando non-stop, wearing diapers so she could piss (and shit) herself, to save precious minutes on her mission to stalk and kill her rival lover.

Oh shit.

Now, I keep hearing about the astronauts who “flew the spaceship drunk.” First of all, who the fuck let the drunk ass astronaut take the wheel. You’d think that somebody standing around him, while he’s putting on his fucking space suit, would see that he was fucking lit up. And then I hear about “a culture of booze” or something like that within NASA pilots. They were talking about removing booze “from the astronaut lounge.”

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So I can just consider that all my tax money went straight to the liquor cabinet of a drunk ass astronaut lady on a mission to kill another astronaut lady?

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NASA, what the fuck is wrong with you? I mean seriously.

I’m looking at the budget PDF file for 2007, and it’s fucking 465 pages long. It’s like a Steven King book for drunk psycho nerdbots, and that’s pretty strange.

And then just the other day, all of the sudden, the space shuttle in space “has chipped its styrofoam shell.” You’re telling me that we give these losers billions and billions of dollars and you build a big styrofoam cooler strapped to jet fuel and electricity? Sounds safe to me. And then, all day for like 2 weeks, all I fucking see when I walk by a TV is something about “running tests to see if the styrofoam crack will be able to withstand the atmosphere.”

NASA is a perpetual fireworks display for the United States, like July 4 every day of the year. Do we need to spend billions of dollars to “test bone density changes” and shit like that? No. NASA exists so that, as a country, we can all sit around and feel good about the fact that we can send rocket ships up in space, carrying drunk psychotic middle-ages fuckheads, so they can go in space and kill rats and shit, just for the fun of it, to see “what would happen.”

What would happen if we didn’t give NASA all that money? A bunch of USELESS fucking nerds would have to….get a real job, instead of sitting around doing physics calculations that have no basis in REALITY, but are instead mere figments and creations of the human imagination and logic.

So we are spending billions of dollars and other resources, so we can gain practically zero worthwhile information, and at the same time, remain captivated by a program that has deep roots in political Cold War agenda…which is really good for world politics right now.

In a slight stretch, how about this Russian annexation of the North Pole shit? Now that is some classic geopolitical upstagery. For what a weird, KBG, fucking ice-master Putin is, he sure knows how to put on a ridiculous PR event. Fuck you guys, we are taking the goddamn North Pole, and there isn’t shit you can do about it. As an even further aside, don’t fuck with Putin, or he will make your sushi radioactive, and you will die a slow, nasty death.

So anyway, after Russia claims the NP, Denmark goes, “I can do something, Motherfucker, we’re sending out an exploratory committee!”

And there you have it, folks, the political landscape of the future. Denmark vs. Russia in a battle for control of the North Pole, while a bunch of drunk ass American astronauts contemplate the meaning of life by killing rats, thousands of miles above the surface of our crusty dick shit planet.

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1 Response to “NASA, Get Your Shit Together”


  1. 1 Roughty August 28, 2007 at 9:18 am

    I don’t pay taxes.


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