Archive for the 'Worthless Friday' Category

Most Savage Roll Call

My list is irrefutable.  Argue if you must, but you will come to the same conclusion.

Most Savage Non-Alcoholic Beverage:  Cheer Wine


Most Savage Alcoholic Beverage:  Egg Nog

Most Savage Food:  Oysters (raw)

Most Savage TV Show:  COPS

Most Savage Feature Film:  The Dark Crystal

Most Savage Musical Recording Artist (pre-1950):  Heddie “Lead Belly” Ledbetter

Most Savage Musical Recording Artist (1950-1960):  Buddy Holly

Most Savage Musical Recording Artist (1960-1970):  Diana Ross (also holds record for most savage hair-do)

Most Savage Musical Recording Artist (1970-1980):  Sid Vicious

Most Savage Musical Recording Artist (1980-1990):  Two-way tie between Right-Said Fred

and The Talking Heads

Most Savage Professional Athletes:  Pete Rose, Kobe Bryant, Ty Cobb, OJ Simpson, but the number one is Mr. John Rocker (on the savagest team, no less)

Most Savage Hobbies:  Smoking Trees


and Stealing Things

Most Savage SWS User:  Suityourself

Anyone who disagrees may go directly to hell.


Savagery — incognito

OK, so Christian Bale is a moderately savage actor.  He’s got the right face, so he got some work, and I’m sure mad honeys have dropped trow for the son of a bitch.  OK, he qualifies.  J.Brown — “Watch me now!” No dizzoubt.  Steve Urkel — acted like a nerd for a decade and got rich as shit.  He’s in.  Stoney’s pal, Pete Doherty — drinks all day, toots all night and writes a song every now and again.  Fits the criteria for admission into the ranks of savagery.  The point to this intro is as follows:  Savagery is, in many cases, easy to point out.  See that fucking trucker rolling 95 mph down the highway, laughing as he scatters hondas and mazda like so many ants?… Savage.  See the 370 lb. construction worker with dirt all over his face and body, wearing a hardhat whistling at hoes from the high steel like he’s really gonna get into them britches?…  Fucking Savage. 

 I am more interested in the less obvious savagery — savagery incognito.  The kind of savagery that you don’t immediately notice.  The kind of savagery that sneaks up on you and then hits you over the head like a shovel or a tire iron.  This post will detail some of the best examples of savagery incognito and explanations.  Some example are so subtle that you’ll likely disagree, but I urge you to sit back and give it some time.  Search your feelings.  You know it to be true.

 Savage 1:  Smoosh

14- and 13-year-old girls from Washington.  Rock stars who have been more places, seen more shit and done more things than you ever will in your life.  Won’t comment on the music, because that’s a matter of taste.  What I will say is, what the fuck were you doing when you were 13 years old?  Not making a million bucks, I bet.  Smoosh — Savage!

Savage 2:  Ray Lewis

Now, I’m no historian, but didn’t he kill the shit out of a dude AND A CHICK in Atlanta?  Yes he did.  Then, he went on to make mad tackles, cause some concussions and make everybody forget about his killing somebody.  What are you going to do to make everybody forget about you after you kill somebody?  Nothing.  You’re not Ray Lewis.  You’re getting raped in jail for a long time.  Ray Lewis is washing the blood off his hands with Cristal.  Ray Lewis — Savage.

Savage 3:  John Goodman

He was the Dude’s pal, Walter and Roseanne’s husband, (for a while).  He was Fred Flintstone, King Ralph and Coach Harris (Revenge of the Nerds).  He has lived the dream, and we should tip our caps to this savage son of a bitch.  John Goodman — Savage.

Savage 4:  Farnsworth Bentley

He’s done nothing.  He was a man-servant and a grilled-cheese cook-off champion — that’s it.  How many platinum records would you have to put out before you were as famous as this no-talent waste of space?  Lots.  He has perfected the art of optimizing productivity.  Maximum money, minimum work.  The code of the savage.  Farnsworth Bentley — Savage.

That’s only the beginning, but it should be enough to make it clear to you that savagery is not always easy to see.  Keep a keen eye out for savages all around you, even in unexpected places. 

Worthless Friday: You

March Madness is some worthless shit. Who gives a fuck? Not me. Not Roughty either.

I really don’t have anything else to say about this bullshit, except for the fact that I don’t give a shit about it, and neither should you.

If you are playing a stupid NCAA pool, then I do not respect you, and hope that you get beat up and raped by a drunk Irishman with Hepatitis this weekend.

You, my friend, are fucking worthless.

ps- check this out. read #30, you worthless fuck.