Wednesday Weekly Recap FuckFuck

Excerpts from my weekly to do list:

“Extremely depressed, malaise, shittiness. What is wrong with me? What is my problem? Do I even have a problem?” – Monday sucked

“Feeling better than yesterday, going to work on goals and shit. Don’t be such a pussy.” – Tuesday was better

“Continue to not be such a pussy” – Progress for Wednesday

And there you have it folks, a blow by blow of my mental state over the last 3 days, in a quick, journal-excerpt format. It’s pretty illuminating shit, that journal business. For the last 6 years or so, I have been so fucked up on alcohol and drugs, that I lost sense of time. I mean, unless I actively write down what I’m doing and what I’m supposed to do, then I begin to drift, and then I keep drifting, and then I am in a huge circle. I am trying to escape the circle, and let me tell you, it’s basically fucking impossible. And even if I did “escape my current circle,” I have no doubt that I would just graduate to a different circle. Not any better or worse, but only different. Anyway.

Things I am thinking about at this second:

Abandonment issues over Roughty and the blog. Fucker.

No more jobs for me to go after right now. 3 interviews since Friday, that’s a good thing.

Heath Ledger. This is actually a good nugget. Heath Ledger died of a drug overdose, accidental or not, prescribed or not, whatever. What about Pete Doherty, Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears? They are all fuckup drug addicts, but they sure as fuck arent’ DEAD by DRUG OVERDOSE. I never heard anything about Heath’s custody battle. Maybe Bohemians don’t think about it like that. How many times was Heath whacked on D-rugs, hanging with his kids? Probably tons. He didn’t OD because he took too many ambiens, either.

Coachella lineup came out yesterday. It’s OK, I guess. $270 for 3 day ticket, dunno if I can hit that up.

Peace out

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