The dog with 8 legs

In a different kind of world, there was a dog that had 8 legs. Nobody knew where the dog came from, or how it got 8 legs, or what the dog’s parents looked like.

Just one day, in the middle of the afternoon, in the town of Venice, California, a dog showed up at the dog park, and he had 8 legs.

It was a boy dog.

A couple people crowded around the fence of the dog park, where the 8-legged dog was trying to get in. You could tell he was hungry, because his ribs were sticking out a little bit. But he wasn’t that bad-off, just a bit hungry after a long travel. Immediately, people starting arguing and fighting, as people are prone to do, about what was going to happen with the new 8-legged dog that had just arrived.

“Call the cops.”

“Shoot it.”

Some people yelled at the dog to, “Get out of here,” but the dog didn’t want to. He just turned a circle, wiggling his 8 legs around, and hunkered down by the gate, waiting for somebody to do something. One thing was clear, the dog knew where he wanted to be, and it was inside the dog park. The people inside the park, who already had dogs, didn’t want him in, and the normal dogs were lined up, jumping over each other and snarling at the fence. On the face of it, the regular dogs wanted to get at the 8-legged dog, but if they had known any better, they would have just left it alone. But the 8-legged dog wasn’t having it, and sat patiently at the gate, waiting for his turn to come inside the park.

Eventually, one of the locals went outside the gate to investigate. The dog jumped back when she came out, and when the dog jumped, so did everybody behind the gate. The gate was a pretty meaningless defense against the dog as it were, because the dog could have easily climbed the fence with his mutated legs.

So there it was, a brave local and the 8-legged dog, eyeing each other suspiciously in the parking lot outside the dog park. The dogs had settled down a little, but they were still all lined up, just like the people, watching to see what the weird dog would do.

Lisa, the local, knelt on her knee and clicked her tongue to the dog, “Here boy, Hey there big boy.”

The dog shifted again, turning itself like a turret, and looked at Lisa sideways. The dog had knuckles on his leg joints, like cue balls, and each one of his legs were long and skinny, like a real spider’s. There was some hair on the legs, but it wasn’t furry all over like a normal dog’s legs. Lisa turned back to her friends.

“It looks like a fucking spider mutant, man! Out of control.”

The mutant dog followed Lisa’s eyes, and watched as the people on the other side of the gate strained to get a good look at the 8-legged freak dog. A couple of them had their cell phones out, taking pictures and sending it to friends. It had only been around for a few minutes, but everybody in the park, and a few people around it, were totally focused on the dog. A lady came around the side of the park, and stopped dead cold when she saw Lisa, kneeling with her hand out, clicking softly at an 8-legged dog.

The dog inched towards Lisa. It was a wild dog for sure, but it had come into contact with humans at some point. The dog wasn’t scared of Lisa the human, but it wasn’t ready to jump up in her lap. Hungry, maybe, like it knew that the humans had some food, and that would be enough to make the spider dog wait around long enough until someone fed it some scraps.

Lisa wondered how much the dog weighed with those huge, big goofy legs. They were all bent up and crooked, like a daddy-long legs, and she thought how tall the dog would be if it stretched all 8 of its legs and stood straight up. Maybe 6, maybe 8 feet tall. It was a normal looking dog all-right, about 60 pounds, except for those legs. They were long, skinny and black, with orange hairs sticking out of them like antennaes. Lisa squinted as she ran her eyes along the legs. She thought they looked like black golf clubs, except maybe a little bit thicker. The craziest part was where the spider leg attached to the dog body. That, and the knuckles. Crazy.

The dogs inside the park started back up. The spider dog shouldn’t be here; it’s outsider status was obvious to everyone. One of the bigger dogs in the park, a German shepherd, started foaming mad at the mouth, raging at the mutant dog. He looked like he was going to jump the fence, and his owner was on top of him, with the dog’s body in between his legs, both of them facing the dog. The mad dog’s owner was struggling with his boy, who became more enraged with each second. The owner man kicked his leg up over his dog’s back like he was dismounting a horse, trying to save his stance. As he swung his leg around, the big shepherd jumped up and put his huge paws on the fence, knocking his owner out of balance and onto his ass. The dog kept roaring at the mutant, and the other dogs began joining in. The owners of the dogs had lost control, and the park became a frenzy of noise and rushing colors.

The mutant dog jumped back a little bit, and Lisa scooted backwards, towards the safety of the fence. The mutant dog lowered its body, its leg knuckles creaking as the dog gathered its gravity and power. The big shepherd was coming over the fence, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

The shepherd’s owner waded into the mass of dogs, stepping on one’s foot and setting the whole group to an even higher pitch. The man twisted towards his guardian, only to slip again. As his body came down into the pit of dogs, the shepherd sprung over the fence, and into the parking lot, where the mutant dog crouched.

To be so bane, it was over before it started. Lisa saw the shepherd clear the fence and bolted for the gate of the park. The shepherd didn’t miss a beat as he hit the ground, and charged the mutant spider dog. The spider dog was still crouched, and didn’t flinch from the jaws of the protector. Instead he coiled even tighter, and met the dog full force, head to head, as the shepherd charged at him with bright and gnashing teeth. The force of the collision sent the shepherd flying backwards into the air, almost turning a complete back flip.

Everyone in the park heard the shepherd’s skull pop with a sick “Thlock.” Thwap, then a suction cup sound, as air rushed into the dead dogs skull. The shepherd didn’t even hit the ground.

The spider dog had the dead dog’s body in his mouth and above the ground, and Lisa then saw how tall the mutant was when he wanted to be. He was about 5 or 6 feet tall, just like she had thought. Someone screamed inside the park.

The mutant dog ran, carrying his prey a few feet above the ground, rushing through the park’s grass and across the street, into the alley of the night.

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4 Responses to “The dog with 8 legs”


  1. 1 stoneywageslave December 10, 2007 at 1:29 pm

    this is my favorite thing i have written, in as long as i can remember.

  2. 2 stoneywageslave December 10, 2007 at 1:30 pm

    i will comment on my own fucking blog, and be the first and second person to do so.

  3. 3 Roughty December 10, 2007 at 2:35 pm

    FOUL! Sorry Stoney, it is a cardinal sin to comment first on your own post. It stinks of desperation.

    However, I know you are not desperate, therefore it must be that you are just lonely; which I know you are. Just give me a call anytime home boy, I am always here. Always here.

  4. 4 extra wide dog gates January 3, 2015 at 7:48 am

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