A Utopic Vision/ Stoney’s Smoking Regs Now, People

Ahhhh, the utopia. The classic figment of human imagination, a slice of heaven that exists only in our head, which is already warped as fuck as it is. Humanity’s imperfections have also graced our most valuable assets, our perception and processing, so anything that we say, think, or do has been run through a fucked-up tunnel of unknown desire, hidden meanings and the heart of darkness.

A bit dramatic, perhaps, but that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? I mean, when Roughty was still king of the blog, we were getting 900 visitors a day. Since his subsequent mutiny and falling-out, I can accurately gauge the Stoney Nation of having a population around 180 people, give or take 50. Thank you, you sad, sad people, those of you who come here for a bit of knowledge or shit-baggery, thank you. Knowledge, we have not, but fancifications run aplenty here in Stoneyville, especially under Captain PinkClowd Dankiel Nuggets the First, the youngest son and brother of the 3 Patriotic Oily Knights of the Bayou.

And so, under the assumed blessing of the grand Philosophizer Dank, I present to you a hazy, unformed Utopic vision of stoniness, good deeds, deep socialism coupled with an equally strong sense of self-sufficiency.

The two main ideals behind the leading political parties in our country revolve around the concept of self-sufficiency. Sorry for the politics, but public policy, and our individual means of influencing those policies, could very well be the single most important contribution any one of us could give to our country. Anyway, self-sufficiency is at the bottom of this picture.

Repubs want us to be self-sufficient. There should be very little government involvement in our daily lives, because people should be able to support themselves and follow social rules without being told what to do. Basically, if you can’t feed yourself, you shouldn’t be eating in the first place. This line of thought also carries into the creation and policing of rules, so that our individual states come up with their own laws and stuff, and carry them out.

Dems want to take care of us because they know that self-sufficiency is a dream. People cannot and will not take responsibility for themselves, because of the inherently imbalanced distribution of wealth and income. The odds favor the chances of a rich white kid like me getting into a good school, versus a black kid from Alabama who never really learned what WWII was about. Or it could be a white redneck ass trailer trash kid from down the street, either way, one of us has a shot at “making it” aka the big cheese, and the other one really doesn’t. The Dems want to step in and fill those gaps, to help the people who “don’t have a chance,” actually live beyond their pre-set means (with the help of the government).

The problem remains the same, but the two ideologies approach the solution very differently. These simple premises run deeply through the divide.

The Utopic Solution, duh, would be the joining of the two philosophies, and the idealist execution of both, based upon the simple premise of the inherent goodness of mankind. What do I mean? It’s pretty simple, really. Everybody who can do great things in the big world, like Bill Gates (million dollar Trust Fund baby), will step up and fulfill their potential to society, giving and giving and giving. Questions of personal worth become meaningless in the utopia, because everyone is taken care of through the individual deeds of the whole. Bill Gates is in the process of removing himself from the profit-driven corporate machinery, and repositioning himself in the humanitarian public sector. Notice that he wasn’t elected to help save the world and feed the children. Through his personal accomplishments and willpower, Bill Gates is using his success as a tool for positive change, for the greater good. I believe that his intentions are true, and that he is not just “switching businesses.”

So now that we have established Bill Gates as the prototype of the next version of Jesus, or the Great Man, where do we go? It’s easy to generalize about the world’s richest man, but what about me? What about you?

That, my silly friends, is where the real world comes in. Bill Gates has actualized his potential, and in doing so, he has achieved a type of worldly status unknown to any of us but him. However, in my limited exposure to him, I come away with a sense that he believes in what he is doing, and that he is doing the right thing by giving up his quest for technological innovation and business dominance, in favor for a less profitable avenue. What about us, though, again? Am I supposed to quit my job, and go work at the homeless shelter giving out soup?

To me, the obvious answer to that is no. I believe I can do more good on a different path for the world, than to go hand out soup. At the risk of sounding like an arrogant asshole, it would be waste of my precious talents to do so. Yes, I would help a number of people through hands-on work, change lives for the better. But it would be less effective than, let’s say, if I became a lawyer and worked pro-bono for whatever kind of cases people work pro-bono for.

The thing is, I don’t know what the fuck I should be doing. About a year ago, I was stressing out a little bit about my life’s direction, and I started getting Peace Corps info in the mail, because I thought that would be a way to do something and feel better about myself. Like I talked about earlier, there was this lawyer lady in Palestine, working 80 hours a week for basically nothing, just because she knew that there was work to do, and that she had to do it.

I feel like I am getting there, that I might be halfway there, almost to the tipping point. There is shit that I am supposed to be doing, other than writing a bullshit blog, and serving my corporate master through my words and management. Fuck the man, that’s what I am talking about. I should be working for the people, not the man.

But in the end, the contradictions and inherent shittiness of the world always drag us away from the easy land of perfect theories and shit. An easy example is Bill Gates. Just like I am slaving away for my boss, for nothing but some shit money, there are thousands of people who have slaved away for Bill Gates, to line his company’s pockets. There are thousands of little Stonies, just like me, working for Bill Gates, stuck in a hole on a Tuesday, and wondering where and how they are ever going to get the fuck out. Their boss sure as fuck got out of the race, and is basically living on the edge of what it means to be human.

How do we get there? Now I’m 24. Professional athletes are younger than me. Bill Gates was building computers younger than me. The dude from Arctic Monkeys is younger than me. I’m getting old, losing my shit, and not saving the world, and I feel like a fucking loser because of it.

However, all is not lost. I do believe in some form of destiny and life paths, and I am not stressed about being on the wrong one. I left my family and any and all safety nets over 2 years ago, when I left Virginia for a cross-country adventure to the center of my soul. I see my neighbor Danny Trejo, an ex-convict armed robber drug addict turned movie star and little-people helper, and I feel calmer about my future.

The world, if you bitches did not yet understand, revolves around me, and therefore has been created and exists solely as an extension of me, a means to my end, a product of my creation. I am confident that my path will come to me, that my actions will unfold a destiny.

In the end, I come back to my utopic vision, which can be summed up in one easy sentence.

Help yourself to help others.

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1 Response to “A Utopic Vision/ Stoney’s Smoking Regs Now, People”


  1. 1 dankknuggets October 16, 2007 at 12:43 pm

    Still waiting for that heffer with cheese, julio.


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