In a conversation yesterday between stoney and i while we were both supposed to be working, we had laughed about the lockjaw incident and i jibed stoney about his own oral malfunctions. He did not find the remark too funny, so in the tradition of assholedness and shittalking, i will relate his story. Our dear stoney can sometimes get so excited by something he may be prone to drooling at the mouth as he snarles in excitement. This however, is no malicious snarl like a rabid beast, nonetheless, it is a snarl of wild excitement where he loses control of his saliva and forgets to swallow. This will usually be accompanied with snorting and mouth-breathing.
Above this minor, occasional loss of control sits the grand pubah of oral malfunctions. Stoney will often be so parched with excited dialogue and excessive smoking that his lips will be covered in a dry white substance that is not the storied mystery cream of another episode. Now i know, everyone’s mouth has been so dried out that they might get a white film in the corner of the mouth, but this is by no exageration a veritable caking of dried saliva that covers the entire lips like cream lipstick. This could be construed as an isolated episode, but i assure ye readers with full confidence in my truth-telling that it is a perenial event.
One episode stands out beyond all the rest. Sitting in a frat room with some friends and some fiends, we were extremely overcrowded as many had seen that the people with the weed had showed up. Stoney, Suit, and I being the carriers of the sacred nuggets, and at this point, Stoney emptying his bank account after mine had dried out from the Fall and being the true carrier, we proceeded to smoke weed per usual. Well, the crowded ridiculousness and gayness of the group soon, as it always did, got to us, but none more than stoney. Looking over at stoney i see he had proverbially just taken a bite out of a piece of wedding cake too big for his face. well, as i discreetly let him know, he was already noticing a huge bump on his arm. In my not so discreet way, everyone looked at stoney and hence the bump on his arm. As a room full of questions pummeled stoney his bumps multiplied with every ‘oh, my god’ and ‘what’s wrong with you’. In front of everyone, his hives as we came to understand just kept going until he was forced to leave. Of course, i had the bag cause i was the only one who can roll and suit and I continued to smoke stoney’s bag until we met with him shortly after.
On completing this story, i have realized that it is poorly written and extremely unfunny. I hope though at least the stonies will have a smile at the memory of a suffering white lipped leper.
With that said, i’d like to move on to another topic. If anyone is looking to get paid to do nothing at all, i have two recommendations for you. Temp or substitute teach in northern virginia. it seems that the employers are as worthless as the citizens of this forsaken land. or, maybe i’m just as worthless, but that is besides the point. i have sat at this job all week and have yet to be explained my responsibilites. though i’ve only made 13 dollars an hour, i still have not done any work. that’s about 500 bucks to do jack shit. Stoney can sympathize as we’ve both done nothing and gotten paid. I ask you, our readers, are you as lazy and worthless as us? i know the other stonies are just as worthless, but they’ve prolly been busy. however, i’ve been too busy watching tv on my computer to talk to them.