Owen Wilson: Why Do You Want to Kill Yourself?

Owen Wilson is a classic. He cemented his place in the movies with Zoolander and Meet the Parents. What does he do for a living? He acts like himself. Wilson is one of those people who really come across as exactly who they are in real life, mostly because he plays the same character in every single movie…himself.

You can dereLICK my balls, el capitan.

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What has she ever accomplished with her life?

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Owen Wilson, do you really want to kill yourself? I mean…is this really the END of it all for you, is it really that bad?

Let’s see…

Millions and millions of dollars- CHECK

Movie Star- CHECK

Anything else?

NOPE

That’s about it. He is a fucking paid ass dude, his family is all in the business with him…how can he really be that lonely and depressed? He and his brothers just came out with a movie…did anyone watch it? Not really, but that’s ok.

Anyway, I just wanted to publicly say that I don’t understand why he would try to kill himself. The whole thing reminds me of The Royal Tenebaums, which he helped to write as well. He’s a mix of Richie the tennis player, who tries to kill himself, and Eli Cash, the neighbor who also kind of tries to kill himself.

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Anyway, if you’re not happy when you are rich and famous, I guess that’s not what makes you happy.

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5 Responses to “Owen Wilson: Why Do You Want to Kill Yourself?”


  1. 1 Roughty August 28, 2007 at 9:21 am

    Nice use of the ecards. That website has a card that can be used on any post, at any time.

  2. 2 gn August 29, 2007 at 11:01 am

    Haha “I can dereLICK my own balls.”

    OR: If his life apparently is so shitty it’s worth ending, then our must be fucking terrible. Why aren’t we all dead?

  3. 3 twitch August 29, 2007 at 5:00 pm

    If he did die then I would kill myself but I would do it right no more false alarms. I don’t want to live in a world without Hansel. I have explored many ways to kill myself but they all turned out to be non-effective. Hansel and I have this in common, we want to die and we try to die but we just can’t figure out how to do it right. I have put together a list of things that don’t quite get the job done.

    1. jump out of moving car- maybe I did it wrong

    2. do heroine with stoney- Bee Gees “ah ah ah ah staying alive”

    3. smuggle drugs from Mexico- no death just rectal bleeding

    4. overdose on drugs- tried but just coughed and got really hungry

    5. jump off bridge- in the words of Pearl Jam “I’m still alive”

  4. 4 stoneywageslave August 30, 2007 at 4:54 am

    maybe taking a bit too far there twitchie, but that’s what you’re here for, isnt it…

  5. 5 suityourself August 30, 2007 at 9:32 am

    this is really the end of the line for owen. why no props for the life aquatic with steve zissou? this was his best film. if you haven’t, do so. i know you haven’t. do so.


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