Tuesday: Operation Bunghole

Operation Bunghole began as a simple diversion, an excuse to dilapidate, an extension of smugmuggery and tom-shennanigans.

Dankiel, you are not the only one aboard with hidden plans and masterful deceit. Operation Bunghole, directed by the master of the 4 ninjas, Donatello, will be the crowning glory of blogulation, a master achievement to be recognized by all.

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What began in the halls of Valhalla, in the kingdom of Tuckerhood and in the jaws of the mighty Wenskarble, has turned into this. Operation Bunghole will be a culmination of all of the lost wishes, the broken dreams, and the real realities of this meek existence.

Consider the French, who inscribed upon our fair symbol of freedom, “Give me your tired, and your hungry.” We say instead, “I will eat your children from the comfort of my living room, and will judge you accordingly for your misdeeds.”

Consider Mr. Vick, a known animal torturer, and gambler of souls.

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Thousands and millions have watched him run and throw, for the sake of a cheer and a reason to drink alcohol, and to generate sales. Millions and millions of dollars we poured into his war chest.

All the while, soldiers come home from our War without legs, and with destroyed brains (and little brown kids got blown up too).

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And our elected leaders bickered, and purposefully stalled and ensnared the words which could help our cause, the scene.

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And all the while, we sat at work, blogged, rode bikes, got drunk, had sex, and made more little souls to inhabit this fine country.

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What will come of Operation Bunghole? Nothing, nothing at all. My willingness to shout and scream at the faceless masses is matched only by my painful impotence.

The lack of comments could mean a few things. 1. Nobody gets it. 2. Nobody cares. 3. People get it, but don’t care. 4. People get it, but afraid to look. 5. People don’t get it, and don’t care.

I’d say that accounts for about everybody in the room, including you.

In other revelatory news, perhaps the sole understanding that I can take away from today, is that “Nobody grows up until you have a kid.”

I mean think about it, what the hell is the reason to grow up, if you don’t have a kid. The [metaphysical] dividing line in life shouldn’t be 18 or 21, it should be when you pop one out and take responsibility (or not) for the byproducts of your sexuality. Because I haven’t done that yet, I feel like I’m on this side of the wall, with my parents, and all the other parents of the world, on the other side. It gets weird when you get older, I think, but I’m not there yet, so I don’t really know.

Anyway, Operation Bunghole was a success, even if we didn’t really achieve anything. When you set low standards for yourself, it’s easier to handle flagrant disappointment.

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3 Responses to “Tuesday: Operation Bunghole”


  1. 1 Anonymous August 21, 2007 at 10:27 am

    post-conversation edit? weird coinkydink if not. excellent post. you are not impotent sir stoney lot. your sword is sharp, but your embrace is not. love, not despite, but for faults and difference.

    great motivational poster.

    oh yeah, and you’re leonardo biatch.

  2. 2 stoneywageslave August 21, 2007 at 10:34 am

    ninja turtles analogies to the stonies do little for me, because they are too cookie cutter

    suit – raf, leo, don, splinter

    roughty- michelangelo, don

    stoney- raf, leo

    dank- ringo

  3. 3 Anonymous August 21, 2007 at 11:37 am

    stoney- april jones, bee-bop, the ooze


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