General Status Update

Holas, loyal readers and Stalin searchers. Holas.

The countdown has officially begun, and like any good travel journalist on the hunt, I’m going to beat this one into the ground.

El Grande Mission con Los Angeles is about to begin, in exactly 3 weeks. 3 weeks from today, Suityourself and Roughty will be touching down in LAX, no doubt drunk as shit from the beverage delights at high altitude.

I need to buy a weed card before they get here. That’s my only real life goal at this point. I’m not sure on the specifics, but here’s what I know. First, I have to go to the doctor. My chosen illnesses will be severe social anxiety and insomnia. If I don’t smoke weed in the morning, then I can’t go to work, because I am crippled by my inability to interact with other humans. That’s what I’ll tell them, at least.

Anyway, I’m bored with that story now.

What the fuck am I doing lately? Nothing. I’ve cut my drinking by about 60-75% a day, which is pretty good. My man-tits are starting to go away, just a little bit, and my fat gut is also receding slightly. Today, I have to take the dogs to vet. I got my tires changed, oil, air filter this weekend. This is my last week to finish my car registration, so I had to get a fucking smog test for $60, and going back to DMV tomorrow. Worst.

I thought the California DMV would suck balls, but you know what? It’s the best DMV I ever went to, right in Santa Monica. Quality.

In other news, my little brother, former SWS member Haganav is off to Amsterdam next Monday for 6 weeks. Then he comes home to Florida for 2 weeks, then he’s going right back to Florence, to do his last semester of school. He’ll be there from like August to November, or something ridiculous like that. What a bitch.

I remember the first time he got stoned, I was passing through Tallahassee, and I was like, “Bitch, you’re getting stoned tonight.” We got a fat bag, for too much $ of mids, and I rolled a huge blunt, and we drove around and listened to Jimi. Little Haganav was a STONED motherfucker that night. Then later, I ate a bunch of his girlfriends pills. She ate some too, and tried to drink it down with the big boys. Silly girl, throwing up all over the freshman dorm stairwell. Silly little biotch.

Well, I don’t have anything for you fuckers. Unlike some other blogs, I believe in maintaining a state of utter worthlessness and lack of cohesion to this site. That’s why I wanted all my buddies to blog too.

Who wants to read my bitching all the time? Nobody, just like nobody wants to just read a blog that only has pictures of Danknuggets taken by his mom just before she gives him his nightly spongebath. That’s the real beauty of this piece of shit. None of us have to put in full effort. We can all coast off the mediocrity of each other, and the sum of all parts definitely does NOT equal the whole, or something. It’s much less. Trust me.


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