Hail Mary, Fools of Grace

In reviewing the newest province of our King’s domain i included some dank accessions, violating the king’s decree of single words.  However, i was immediatley struck by the limitation of perspective, though very pleased with the King’s curse and all of our curses of self-awareness, i felt some additions were neccesary.  In the savage dissapearance of two members of court, I will address the unsavagery of our disputed New Jersey savage. 

This fabled tale begins in the golden age of the savage kingdom of Sunken Delight, a magical land of unbridled sensuality, limitless freedom, and philosophical exploration.  There were three balladeers that roamed the land, always picking and smoking the weeds that were deemed evil by the blind followers of the terrible regime that ruled the country. 


if your heart is true,  pass through this threshold of the garden oasis within the evil kingdom of King William the DeceiverThese three minstrals traveled throughout the land, discovering uncharted territories and challenging the the boundaries of the kingdom.  As the present ruler was not fond of the dynamic, these three noble savages were forced into the night, only mythically seen during the day, rumored to have attended some sessions of court, but supposedly protested the king and queen, within the royal compound, in their garden, with liberated merriment.


One of the dangerous mires of the kingdom, a site of tragedyIt was in this air of stagnant oppression that these brave young men resolved to battle the forces of evil until they mortally perished in the eternal quest.  


Supposed sighting of one of these mythical balladeers As in all of their introductions of initial conflict, some of these virtuous crusaders were perhaps skeptical in their meeting of the King’s Irish post-runner, decked in a uniform of tyranny in the latest fashion of revealing short shorts.  Shamus the Unruly, as he later became named in his total rejection of the royal family and total drunken debauchery, would soon correct his blasphemer in his hasty judgment, running his messages of savagery for many moons with broken foot and indominatable spirit. 


The modern style of the messenger’s garbTwo of the revolutionary balladeers challenged the king’s mail runners in their chosen form of battle.  The battle field would be level, three hundred of the king’s feet long by 52 wide.  In this virtual contest of simulated battle, all warriors were on even battle filed, but the boisterous bawdiness that Shamus would later be titled for and his partner Jesse of Katsopolis


unwisely incited the two balladeers’ repressed bloodthirst with brazen shit-talking.  The battle began in the province of Yates under the cover of darkness.  The battle was tilted toward the favor of the unjust throughout, but the wizard’s potion would soon turn the tide.  Facing their death in the final moments of battle, the Fools of Grace pleaded for divine intervention by their often dissapointed Virgin mother Mary.  In seven seconds, the battle was one by their faith in their favorite weapon-the bomb.  


Da Da Duh Da Duh Da Duh

The victors’ spoils did not escape them, but they respected their defeated opponents in their time of infinite dissapointment, confusion, and emasculation. 

Let this be a cautionary tale to any who offend the patience of the two warriors and any who dare speak with thorn-ed tongue of their still-standing epic victory. 


15 Responses to “Hail Mary, Fools of Grace”

  1. 1 stoneywageslave June 4, 2007 at 12:38 pm

    oh fuck. dank nuggets and stoney vs. roughty and uncle jesse

    you bitches got peaced! randy moss in the WR…night night!

  2. 2 dankknuggets June 4, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    yeah dog

  3. 3 dankknuggets June 4, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    how about the archived flat hat photo, i have a hard copy still

  4. 4 stoneywageslave June 4, 2007 at 12:42 pm


  5. 5 Roughty June 4, 2007 at 12:45 pm

    To all parties: This is what happens when you have a mousse-wearing Uncle Jesse on your team. I seem to remember my Giants of NY winning on a last second 99 yard pass against Stoney’s Bucs. The stinger- this was a money game my friends.

  6. 6 stoneywageslave June 4, 2007 at 12:49 pm

    pfffft to your 99 yarder. firstly, i was rolling the vikings, my favorite team for 01 madden on n64. secondly, pffft to all your bullshit video game shit talking. i own you.

  7. 7 twitch June 4, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    Wait one second, Stoney has actualy won a game of madden? I’m sure this was only made possible by the assistance from Mr. Nuggets.

  8. 8 Roughty June 4, 2007 at 1:18 pm

    First of all it was Madden 02, secondly it was on the GameCube. Eat shit and die Stoney.

  9. 10 twitch June 4, 2007 at 1:29 pm

    Baby Jesus knows I’ve never seen him win a game excluding the ones I let him win to avoid a self esteam breakdown

  10. 11 dankknuggets June 4, 2007 at 7:14 pm

    also roughty, i remember a huge shalacking two summers ago after being let out of the bin and you and i drinking the king every night, covert swimming, and taking turns in mvp. when we finally matched our skills, it was a terribly depressing defeat by my wizardly hands that quickly reinstated the turn-taking-play or watch while getting really really drunk.

    oh snap!

  11. 12 dankknuggets June 4, 2007 at 7:15 pm

    also, jp and i invented the ninety nine yarder, that’s our bread and butter, the only players who can have sixty five pass attempts in a single game.

  12. 13 colon farell June 4, 2007 at 7:32 pm

    as a hopefully final and fulfilling comment for this piece of work…

    dank, your baroque, free-spirited lyricisms have made drunk my soul with the thirst of life…er…..

    what i meant to say was, pints and pipes 4 eva

  13. 14 dankknuggets June 4, 2007 at 9:48 pm

    finally, in relation to the mythical capture of one of the fabled balladeers, in searching the flat hat, i found this hilarious quote.

    ‘College students label their peers as “real” with “no fake attitudes and phoniness” on The Princeton Review website. Walking around campus on warm days, it is common to see students enjoying the weather, like this musician at the Sunken Gardens’.

    LAUREN PUTNOCKY — The Flat Hat

  14. 15 twitch June 5, 2007 at 12:51 pm

    ok ok we get it. you guys beat roughty and uncle jessy at madden. big deal. maybe some day we can all get together and i’ll teach you all how to play. untill then stick to bloging. speaking of bloging its time for a new one so quit yer job and entertain me danm it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: