Bikers, Watch the Fuck Out!

In Venice, there is a large population of bicyclists, who are mostly middle-age rich whities, wearing their new spandex bright green and black outfits, with a cool new helmet and shit. There are also the beach cruisers, no gears, fat tires.

A common rule of thumb that I grew up learning and living, was that bikers, by law, have to follow the same rules that motorists do. If there is a stop sign, you have to stop. If there is a red light, you have to stop. It’s pretty simple, if you think about it. If other cars have the green light to go, as a biker, you should stop at your stop sign or red light, because the other cars have the right of way, and you shouldn’t put yourself at risk and bank on someone stopping during their green light.

In Venice, however, fucking moron yuppies just don’t get it. They think that because they are on a bike, that they have an automatic green light and right of way, in any situation.

This happens ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I pull up to a stop sign on a 4-way stop. Every car is stopped, and taking their turn. Then, out of nowhere, a bicyclist comes racing down the hill, and blasts through the stop sign, with complete disregard to everyone else. I have literally been crossing the street, when it’s my turn, only to have a bitch boy on a bike come out right in front of me, having blown through his stop sign.

bicyclist.jpg

“My helmet will protect me!!!”

Fucking idiot.

If and when I hit one of these morons who disregards the law, I will get out of the car and take his picture of him lying on the cement, next to his twisted bike, and laugh in his face.

Yuppie bikers, and self-righteous beach cruising bitches, guess what? I live here too, and I don’t give a fuck. When I first moved to Venice, I almost hit someone who did that. I yelled at him, and he acted like he was going to beat me up or something. Motherfucker, who the fuck do you think you are? Lady T was like “Calm down, blabla” but fuck that bullshit. Fucking bikers who disregard the stop sign, or TURN LEFT FROM THE RIGHT LANE, I am going to run over one of you fucks eventually, and it will be all your fault.

Consider yourself warned, all gay-fuck-shit ass bikers and beach cruisers. If you don’t value your own life and safety, then I guarantee I won’t either. I will probably feel bad for a little bit, like when the cops come and write the report, that your idiot ass ran the red light, and gave me absolutely no option but to run your shit over. But after the initial adrenalin rush is over, I will probably feel comfortable knowing that one idiot learned his lesson, and that if you are on a bike, you better fucking stop at the stop sign.

bikewreck.jpg

That’s right, bitch, better stop next time.

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6 Responses to “Bikers, Watch the Fuck Out!”


  1. 1 Roughty June 2, 2007 at 4:44 pm

    I must commend Stoney for his flawless penmanship on the pictures he used in this post.

  2. 2 dankknuggets June 4, 2007 at 9:15 am

    it’s cyclist dumbass

  3. 3 twitch June 5, 2007 at 3:14 pm

    its all fun and games till you’re lying dead under a toyota corola.

  4. 4 dankknuggets June 5, 2007 at 7:30 pm

    c’mon twitch, you know K would never let the prince ride in such an embarassing clown car. his white horse is the camry stallion

  5. 5 twizzard June 8, 2007 at 2:09 pm

    oh yeah, my mistake. And this whole time I’ve been making an ass of myself by implying stoneys car is unsavage. Which I had no right doing as that car has taken us on some of the most savage journeys in the history of all man kind. Thanks for the correction buddy Nuggets. And my apologies to the stoneymobile.

  6. 6 bikes March 17, 2011 at 3:06 am

    I had to admire your great and laudable effort really interesting and astonishing…….


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