Huggies Cool Alerts promote cool heads

I was sitting in my room this evening gearing up for another heated contest between the Mets and Braves (which the Mets unfortunately lost, yes Suit, I will admit defeat at times) when the first round of commercials hit.  Naturally, my bullshit detector was primed to be assaulted.  And rightfully so, because by the third commercial I was introduced to the newest innovation from Huggies; Pull-Ups Cool Alert diapers.  For those unlucky readers who missed this life changing promotion for child rearing, here are some of the specs for these new diapers.

That’s right, you did not read that wrong, the diapers give a cooling sensation when your child wets his or her pants.  This breakthrough in diaper technology actually alerts your toddler when his or her pants have been pissed.  Brilliant!  Unfortunately we are still a few years away from the diapers that can give a preemptive alert, but we will just have to cope for the time being.   

I don’t know about you, but as a frequent pants pisser, I don’t need to rely on a cooling sensation to know when I have just ruined another first date, business acquisition, or family dinner.  I was not aware that it was that hard to tell if you had sprung a sudden leak, that this diaper technology was so imminently imperative.  Let me tell you parents, if your child is having trouble discerning whether his or her pants have been leaked upon, your kid has bigger problems than smelling like a urinal. 

Additionally, Huggies contends that this cooling sensation will be so uncomfortable for your child, further reinforcing the need for expedient potty training.  I suppose the warming sensation of urine in their drawers was not enough to shock them into learning how to function like an adult.  Not to mention the embarrassment of having a huge wet spot covering their nether regions. 

I commend Huggies for also listing on their website certain triggers to alert parents as to when their child has just shamed the family.  These include: 

Walking funny after wetting

Stopping activity and stand(ing) still

Making a funny face

Pulling on pant(s) more than usual

Asking to be changed more frequently or to use the potty 

If you noticed the parentheses, I took the liberty of making some grammatical changes from the Huggies website.  Apparently, Huggies is so invested in child development, that they have their target consumers write for them. 

I love these alerts to parents.  Not everyone can be fathers of the year, so it is necessary to let these delinquent parents know how their children act once they have wet themselves.  I especially like, “making a funny face” because come on, when do children NOT make a funny face.  I also like the visual image of kids goose-stepping after they wet their pants.  We all know that diapers severely inhibit a child’s capability for normal bipedal motion.  Basically, Huggies is telling us that children always have urine soaked pants, thus making their product extremely necessary.  Now that’s smart business! 

I do have a concern about these new diapers though.  What are children who reside in cooler climates supposed to do when winter rolls around?  Huggies is setting up children, especially male children, for severely frozen genitalia.  I can see the news reports and recalls now.  “Huggies puts a freeze on Cool Alert sales after toddlers testicles freeze to diaper.”  This just seems cruel.  Your kids may not be able to reproduce after the tender age of three, but at least they learned how to piss in the pot.  That will show them. 

After viewing this commercial, I am not too sure how much farther we have to evolve in diaper development.  Clearly we have come to the apex of diaper technology, but I was also preaching this belief after the release of the first Pull-Ups.  “I’m a big kid now!” 

P.S.  My favorite diapers would still have to be, “Fergie’s Rockin’ Adult Diapers.” 


What more could you want than the teaming of a grizzled “Black-Eyed Peas” dancer and adult urinary problems?  Plus, you get a free, “Black-Eyed Peas” CD.  So, while you piss your pants as you listen to this drivel, you will simultaneously be covered for your everyday activities.  It’s win-win.  Kudos to Fergie’s manager for this endorsement choice, and for managing someone with a single name.  The single name celebrity is such trite, it’s not as though Fergie is a Brazilian soccer star.  


5 Responses to “Huggies Cool Alerts promote cool heads”

  1. 1 dankknuggets May 22, 2007 at 9:11 pm

    ye bite ye thumb?

  2. 2 suityourself May 25, 2007 at 10:17 am

    hahaha roughty. again with the funnitude. excellent point. i mean, what the hell? my mom substituted the cold sensation for a lively backhand across my grill and, whadaya know, i learned how to pee in a toilet. my favorite quote from the website is “pulling on pants more than usual”… what do you mean “more than usual”? maybe if these kids would quit yanking their janks all the time, they’d have the attention span necessary to avoid peeing on themselves…

  3. 3 jameswillisisthebest September 8, 2007 at 1:25 pm

    This is my first post
    just saying HI

  4. 4 stoneywageslave September 8, 2007 at 9:28 pm

    james willis-

    welcome to the club

  1. 1 Black Eyed Peas » Black Eyed Peas May 23, 2007 4:07 am Trackback on May 23, 2007 at 12:12 am

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