Job offer for all Stonies

I am useless.  I will be moving to a new residence a few blocks away in the next week, so I have completely stopped cleaning my room.  As I sit among countless empty Budweisers, a mountain of laundry, and a myriad of extraneous bullshit from my life, I wonder, “What am I doing?”

 Stoney and I have been trying to figure out what we will be doing in the next few years of our mid-20s.  He has lobbied for me to make a massive exodus to LA.  However, if I were to do that, I might as well move to the surface of the sun, my survival rate would essentially be the same.  There has also been talk of moving to New York, which we have both taken a liking to.  Stoney’s savagery was solidified on a last minute trip to the Apple with SuitYourself, during our college years.  Search for: excessively coked up bar trips, crashing in seedy hotels, or late night liquor thievery. 

I have been doing some thinking though, and I believe I can start a new career that will benefit all of us here at StoneyWageSlave.  Two words: trophy husband.  Welcome to the exciting career of living like Billy Madison.  I need to get to work on this quick though.  I am not getting any younger, and as I age, the likelihood of becoming a trophy husband exponentially decreases.  This will be no easy task, seeing as I don’t frequent the types of bars that heiresses do.  However, I do work at a very distinguished hotel and restaurant, so that may have to be ground zero for my new career. 

Once I find my sugar momma and get acquainted at the mansion, that will be the time to bring in the rest of the Stonies.  I officially extend job offers for the three other Stoney writers.  I will need a gardener, a pool manger, and a personal assistant.  Salaries start at $40,000 per year, and are negotiable depending on your qualifications.  We will build you guys your own 3 bedroom apartment above the massive garage. 

We can discuss benefits – after a 90-day probationary period, of course.  DankNuggets has already expressed interest in the gardening position.  I am sure after a short time my garden will look like this: 

weed-garden.jpg  

Prospective employees must direct their inquiries to The Department of Savagery.  You guys know how to contact me.

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2 Responses to “Job offer for all Stonies”


  1. 1 suityourself May 22, 2007 at 11:38 am

    how well do i remember stoney’s famous nyc trip? really well. one of the best times of my life, seriously. roughty, thanks for remembering me (even in another’s story). i have been absent from savagery 101 for a couple weeks, but thanks to the end of my fishing odyssey i’m back and glad to read your new shizzle.

  2. 2 g-ou August 5, 2007 at 3:37 pm

    i wanna get there an watch it all over yio


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