Announcing my Candidacy for President

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I want to ensure the success of our future leaders of America.  Only through a rigorous regimen of disciplined responsibility and steadfast inner fortitude can we answer the call of our glorious undertaking in its hour of greatest need.  Hard work and strict ethics instilled as the son of a poor oil farmer have prepared me for the epic battle between right and wrong.  I promise plasma screen TVs for every American

 

Political Persuasion: Arch-conservative

 

Platform:

Dedicated to Crushing the Insurgents of Liberty

Curing the plague of drug use infecting America

Prohibiting Pre-marital Sex with a mandatory sentence of Life Imprisonment

Outlawing Music, Art, Literature, Philosophy, and any other form of free expression

Burning of Adult books and films

Instilling a National Diet Regulated by the Associated Lunch Ladies of America,

Protecting Our Divine Right to Drive Sport Utility Vehicles

Enough Oil for Every American from my Family Farm

 

Soft Money Contributors:

Phillip Morris
USA

Dutch Master, inc.

ExxonMobil

Opus Dei

Associated Lunch Ladies of
America

Ford Motors

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paid for by the committee of Moral Detectives

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3 Responses to “Announcing my Candidacy for President”


  1. 1 Roughty May 20, 2007 at 10:49 pm

    WOW! Dank you officially have made your presence felt. Laying it down as any self-respecting savage would. Good to have you aboard brother.

    Paid for by:
    National Institute of Drunken Irish Savages

  2. 2 colon farell May 20, 2007 at 11:01 pm

    when you said presidency did you mean homosexuality

  3. 3 Danknuggets May 21, 2007 at 9:40 am

    I meant no such abomination


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