blog production…

so, with the exception of roughty’s insightful and always poignant posts, this blog is falling off big-time.  what the hell is going on, stoney?  i wanna know…

i’m ’bouts to chop yo ass.  after all, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander…

hey, i heard some really funny jokes the other day… (racism, AHOY!)

1.  Did you know that there will only be 49 contestants in next year’s Miss Black America pageant?…  Did you know that?…  Did ya?…

Yeah, nobody wants to wear the banner that says “I-da-ho.”  (This one is perhaps much better when delivered orally, but hey, oral is always best…)

2.  (This one is really pretty bad, indeed.)  What do you call an African-American on water skis?

 Give up?

A top-water jig…  (EWWW!  No you didn’t…)

3.  I don’t remember the joke, but the punchline is very funny…  Here goes…

“The vet said not to worry unless he shits out 2 dimes and a nickel.”  (Maybe you had to be there.)

4.  This is a real joke. 

This rich guy had just retired and decided he would devote his twilight years to philanthropy.  So, in his quest for the perfect cause, he went to this modern new hospital, told the boss-doctor that he wanted to invest in the hospital’s future.  Before he did, though, he wanted a tour around the hospital to make sure everything was legit.

So the doctor said, “ok,” and they started walking around the hospital, looking at new equipment and checking in on patients.  They enter this one room, and there’s this guy in the hospital bed and a nurse sitting next to him whacking him off.  The rich old guy was taken aback and asked the doctor, “What the hell kind of hospital is this?”  The doctor said, “Oh, that gentleman has a condition that requires him to ejaculate every two hours.  The nurse was just helping him out a little bit.”  The old man was pretty much ok with that, so they continued the tour.  They walked into another room, and there was another man in a hospital bed.  Beside him, a nurse sat giving the patient felatio!!

The old investor said to the head-doctor, “This is just too much.”  The doctor replied, “You don’t understand!  This patient has the same condition as the last guy.  He’s just got better insurance.”

Long story short, the old man decided to invest in the hospital, but a few days later, he came down with a rare and debilitating disease (can you guess which one?) and lived happily ever after.

OK, that’s all for the jokes.  See, this is what you guys miss out on by not having any red-necks in your family. 

So, what’s going on with me, you ask?  Well, good question.  I’ll tell you.

i am almost done with the current semester, and i haven’t blown my brains out just yet.  this is a moral victory.

fishing season is going great.  i fish every day and have caught lots of fish so far this spring.  based on my fishing expeditions, i have started a fishing journal.  every time i fish, i write a couple pages about what happened, what i caught, what i saw, and that type of stuff.  this is big fun for me, and it’s good to keep practicing writing.  i was thinking about posting an entry on this blog but thought better of it.  if stoney’s knight’s tale didn’t get much play, i doubt the fishing log would either.

the braves are dominant.  they can hardly lose (except for last night) and will win their division, the pennant, and the world series this year.  i’ll bet 50 bucks on it with anybody who’s dumb enough to take that action.  the heat and the nuggets aren’t looking good, so my basketball season is pretty much over, barring some miracle.  i don’t watch hockey, cuz i can’t ever see the puck on my antique tv.  i don’t care at all about the NFL draft.

my garden is going off!!  i’ve only planted a couple early things so far — potatoes


and asparagus. 

they are all growing fast, and i think i’m going to pick the first potatoes in 2 weeks.  the nice weather and a little rain have made for a perfect spring.  gardening is a great hobby, and i highly recommend it to anyone who needs some relaxing pastime.

i’m going to cackalacky next weekend for a 12 day trout fishing expedition!!  aww yeah.  that means no blog production from me, but lots of fun and liquor drinking and swimming and catching fish until my arms hurt.  hooray!

Finally, my savage of the day…

you know him from The Byrds and CSNandY.  He’s a junkie and has appeared on such comedy shows as Family Guy and Futurama.  Stoney told me a story about this savage coming into the recording studio with a brown paper bag full of blow.  that’s what i call bad-ass.  just the same, here is our winner — David Crosby!  Congratulations, Mr. Crosby.  Keep tooting.

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