Are you rugged?

Are you rugged? Probably not. A rugged personality echoes a savage personality on a number of different levels.  You might even argue that being “rugged” means that you are “savage.”  I would say this is probably true in 95% of cases, but there is always the possibility of a rugged non-savage, but then we would have to closely examine what exactly makes this person rugged, etc….let’s just consider them different shades of the same color.  Also, you could be a non-rugged savage (jason bateman in AD, christian bale in American Psycho both come to mind).

One of the main principles of “ruggedry” is hygiene.  Do you use gel? Non-savage/non-rugged.  Do you make it a point to shower every single day of your life? Non-rugged, probably non-savage (savages are not afraid of their own odor).  Do you refuse to take a bite out of someone’s sandwich, or use the same fork, or some other manifestation of your pussiness? Non-rugged.

The essential rugged bathing and transformation session can be broken down into 3 quick steps.  Shit, Shower, Shave.  That’s it.  Gotta go to work in the morning? SSS.  Gotta go on a date? SSS.  Did you just wake up in a pile of shit and vomit with a needle hanging out of your arm? SSS.  See what I’m saying?

Shit– remove all excessive waste and beer from the previous day.  On a bad, bad hangover/post-party day, the shits might keep coming for a while, and it might be a good idea to finish up shitting before you take a shower, because come on. Why would you take a shower when you know you have more butt mud on the way?

Shower – the shower is the all-knowing, all-cleaning hand towel from God, where all of your past sins and misdeeds can be forgotten in hot steam and soap. Although being rugged usually entails a certain level of consistent dirtiness and grunge, the shower is the zenith of cleanliness for ruggedness.  It literally does not get better than this.

Shave – I’ll be honest here and say I only have to shave like once every 3 weeks.  However, a shave is necessary for the full transformation from dirty ruggedness to clean ruggedness.

I have outlined the SSS system very briefly, but the key is….keep it simple, fuckers.  You do not need gel, alcohol-cologne spray, white non-athletic sneakers, puka shell necklaces, or any other shit.  All you really need is Irish Spring and toothpaste, and some shaving cream.

I dedicate this post to Rugged Ron, the father of one of the original savages, who never started blogging on this shitstem.  Rugged Ron was the epitome of ruggedness and savagery, and his favorite place to shop was known to be Big Lots.  Rugged indeed.



1 Response to “Are you rugged?”

  1. 1 suityourself April 23, 2007 at 1:15 pm

    Jeremiah Johnson, Butch Cassidy and Happy Gilmore echo your ever-wise sentiment. rugged is the essence of savage, and savage is the essence of beauty… (merman! MERMAN!!)

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