Puck: A Model of Savagery

Puck, aka Puck the Fuck, Puck the Motherfuck, Fucking Puck, etc., is a true model of savagery, whose life and works should be studied by anyone claiming savage heritage or deed. I, Stoney, was the first of the crew to meet Puck. Puck was the adopted cat of a Kuwaiti weed-dealer of mine. She* (*weird right?) was a part of a mysterious underground Williamsburg sect, or clan, of drug-doers and naysayers who were a couple of years older than me. Our extreme, independent predecessors, if you will.

I remember going to my friend’s* (*drug dealer) house and seeing this big, mean orange cat that everybody in the room would take turns fighting and throwing to the next person. I didn’t fuck with him then, because he would just bite the shit out of anyone who tried to touch him, and finally, he just got kicked out. Enough with those clowns.

Eventually, my Kuwaiti lady drug dealer moved back to…..Kuwait. It’s hard to get cats across the border anymore, they just lock them up in quarantine, and most don’t survive. Apparently the girl asked a bunch of people to take Puck, but no one could handle his flagrant bullshit. Roughty was moving into my place at the time, and he decided to adopt Puck. There were 2 other cats living there at the time, and Puck immediately established his dominance over the others, and after the first second of his presence, there was a new order at 1-420 Apartment A. Puck the Motherfuck was in town.

Some cats are mean, some are weak, they are all different. I have seen cats be little bitches, seen them act like tough guys, I’ve seen a shit load. Puck is the only cat I’ve ever seen that will immediately take over a room once he has entered. If you have business with Puck, he takes control of the situation, and puts himself at the center of your attention. If that orange bitch has something to say, or wants to command your attention, he simply jumps up in your lap, and puts his big orange face right in your face. Then, he will meow/growl/scream at you, pouring his tuna and bird breath all over your shit. If you try to move him, or tell him to fuck off, he will only yell at you more loudly, and emphasize the fact that HE is in control, and that HE will do as he pleases.

Don’t let all this “tough guy” talk make you think Puck is some kind of extreme asshole. On the contrary, once you have been relegated to a position in Puck’s universe, you will be given attention according to your rank on the totem pole. Most of the time, when he is demanding some bullshit from you, sitting on your lap, all he really wants is some attention, and due praise and worship. Food is not usually what he wants, because Puck is an accomplished hunter, and really has no need to grovel for processed horse meat. Birds and mice were his easy target. Please.

This measly post doesn’t come close to describing the beast that is Puck. Imagine being asleep, and then waking up with a claustrophobic heaviness weighing on your chest. You open your eyes, and a huge orange face with yellow eyes is staring you down. When you sees you are awake, he will begin to pur and possibly yell at your face, so you can wake up and scratch his ass, which apparently is very pleasing to large orange cats.

I fully support Puck’s new position as mascot, emblem and purveyor of the savagery this site tries to represent. Puck, we salute your fuck ass.

4 Responses to “Puck: A Model of Savagery”

  1. 1 suityourself April 19, 2007 at 7:45 am

    wow, i thought this was going to be about the real world san francisco character, but i was pleasantly surprised. i am a cat lover, and puck was a good one. i had forgotten where he came from. thanks for the reminder.

  2. 2 suityourself April 19, 2007 at 7:45 am

    ps — i support his mascot status, but a more savage pic should be generated if possible.

  3. 3 stoneywageslave April 19, 2007 at 8:01 am

    generate some content, suit

  4. 4 Roughty April 19, 2007 at 3:17 pm

    please, that picture is as savage as they come. notice puck is leisurely reaching for the shot glass chess game. i remember taking that picture, he had just told me that he was having trouble digesting the bird he recently mauled, and he needed some whiskey to wash it down.

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