Fair Weather Fiend

For most of my adult life, I have been called a fair-weather friend by most of my sports buddies.  Roughty and Dank have both busted my balls on my favorite teams, but who fucking cares what they think.  Allow me to explain.

I’m from Florida, where 75% of major league baseball teams go to spring training.  The first team I really liked was the Detroit Tigers, because I used to go to their spring training in Lakeland, FL.  Alan Trammel was my favorite player.  When I got a little older, I starting collecting baseball cards.  Some of my favorite players were Alan Trammel, like I said, Bo Jackson, Chris Sabo, Ozzie Smith, Daryl Strawberry, Doc Gooden, Ricky Henderson, Don Mattingly, Nolan Ryan, Cal Ripken Jr. etc.  The late 80’s badasses.  After the Tigers, I really started to like the Atlanta Braves. Fuck ya Braves, I went to one of their home games in Atlanta. I sat in left field, it was sweet.


Once my Braves-love was full on, the Yankees really started to dominate the field again.  They trained in Tampa, so I went to tons of Yankees spring training, watching Don Mattingly and whatnot.  Eventually I quit baseball for tennis, and I had my tennis-badass roster going as well, but let’s not go there today.

I can pretty safely say, that as a whole, Tampa Bay has the shittiest collection of sports teams in the country.  A quick rundown: Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tampa Bay D-Rays, Tampa Bay Lightning and Tampa Bay Storm  (arena football).  The Bucs are fucking terrible, the D-Rays are unmentionable, and the Lightning suck too, nevermind a recent Stanley Cup.


What I’m trying to get at is that I don’t have a home team.  I’ve been to a bunch of Bucs games, and I’m from the city, but you know what? Fuck the Bucs, they are terrible. How can I stand behind a team and call them “mine” if they are fucking terrible? How are the Bucs supposed to represent me on the field of individual combat?

Because FLA has so many spring training teams, and I went to so many different sports games as a kid rooting for different teams, I have grown up without a real team.  If I had to pick, though, my favorite team of all time is by far the NY Yankees.  I call them the Tampa Yankees because that’s what they’re called, bitches.  When the Yankees and the Red Sox were playing a few years ago for the pennant, I was basically the only guy in the fucking bar rooting for the Yanks, my boys.  A bar in Virginia full of a bunch of donkey-punching fucking gay-wads with Boston hats on. PLEASE. How cool could I have been wearing a Boston hat that year? Fucking losers.

Anyway, I have to retract that last statement about the Yanks as my favorite because I live in LA, and I’m a Dodger fan now.  Fucking 8$ tickets, you cannot beat that price to watch professional athletes battle it out.  I got a fitted hat when I went to my first game last year. I got it kind of big, and with the bill real flat, I never bent it.  Fucking GANGSTA.

Where am I going with all this? Right to the detractors’ bedrooms, bitches. Dank: classic case of bandwagon Red Sox fantasy.  How can the Sox be your home team, when you’re from fucking Louisiana and Jersey? That shit does not fly in my book at all. ps…who does Johny Damon play for again?  Roughty: the Mets are acceptable, hell yes to Doc and Straw, BUT fuck the Giants! Please.  Peyton Manning’s grundle-face brother? and Ronde Barber? Something just doesn’t feel right here.  Besides, you are from NOVA, not NJ, so you can’t use that to jump on the Giants bandwagon.  Suit: as far as I know, the Braves are your only team, and I commend you. Congratulations on your savage pick and roots. Deddog: a known non-sports fanatic, Deddog is N/A.


I salute the savagery of all professional athletes, and pray for another well-deserved pay raise, funded by our beer money and advertising dollars.


6 Responses to “Fair Weather Fiend”

  1. 1 Roughty April 18, 2007 at 8:48 am

    First of all, I notice your favorite childhood players included many Mets. Second, Ronde plays for your fucking Bucs asshole, Tiki played for the Giants, and is an infinite savage. Youre just mad because the Giants are so superior. You better have your act together when we go to the Mets-Dodgers series this summer in LA. You WILL be wearing a mets jersey. And I am from jersey, dont forget it bitch.

  2. 2 stoneywageslave April 18, 2007 at 8:52 am

    editor’s note: ronde plays for the bucs, i knew that

  3. 3 suityourself April 19, 2007 at 7:40 am

    i’m glad roughty caught the ronde issue. i don’t wanna be the guy who knows bucs’ players.

    yankees suck.

    mets suck.

    giants suck.

    redsox suck.

    patriots suck.

    dodgers suck. (though you’re rooting for the right league — NL)

    darryl strawberry joke — Q- why was darryl banned from all baseball stadiums? A- he kept sniffing up all the chalk lines… hahaha. oldie but goodie.

    one note — watch out for the d-rays. this might be the year that they creep up on everybody…

    my team is the braves. it always (since i was a little little boy) has been. i have no excuse. never been to atl. i liked their uniforms when i was little, and now i love all their players like they were my brothers. football is more tricky. personnel changes happen so fast, i find that the best idea is just to root for individual players and forget the teams… a sad reality of the salary cap era.

  4. 4 his royal dankness April 27, 2007 at 1:59 pm

    it goes without saying that the yankees are gay and that everyone who likes them is gay as well.

  5. 5 twitch August 15, 2007 at 1:13 pm

    It’s true; Stoney is one of the biggest fair weather fans I have ever met. He has no idea that being a true fan means sticking with your favorite team through thick and thin no matter what. In this post he keeps calling himself a fair weather friend, which I would have to disagree with because Stoney has remained my close friend through some really bad weather. A shit storm if you will.

  6. 6 twitch August 15, 2007 at 6:53 pm

    oh fiend, like in the name of the post. As in some fiend i turned out to be, if by fiend you mean retard.

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