How to Buy a Pegasus. Step 1: Locate a mongoloid

For those of you wise enough to read my post, “David Caruso deserves an Emmy” you will remember I alluded to that once I become famous and earn sweaty sacks of cash, one of my initial purchases would be a Pegasus for the purpose of transportation, and bling.  I will admit, I wrote the final paragraph of that post – which outlines my monkey and Pegasus purchases – after returning home from the pub and knocking back a couple cold ones for a nightcap. 

I must have been in some drunken zone of genius, because apparently I strummed the feral heartstrings of some of you mouth-breathers.  I have been swamped with comments from friends who thought it was hilarious to imagine me dashing through the city on a souped up Pegasus, with my tuxedoed monkey in tow. 

I was happy to see my friends react to what I wrote, so I was feeling good, and that called for beer.  After a couple, I decided to pursue my lack of Pegasus situation a little further.  So I phoned my local pet store, and an unsuspecting Abigail answered to my inquiries of a Pegasus purchase.  As I queried the range of prices, sizes, colors, and loading capacities of available Pegases, I began to realize that Abigail had no idea that a Pegasus was a fictional beast.  JACKPOT! 

 pegasus-1.jpg

AUTHOR’S NOTE:  This is probably the second gayest picture on the site, narrowly defeated by Stoney’s avatar.  However, apparently there are people who do not know what a Pegasus is, so it is applicable.

This dim bitch was very apologetic to the fact that she could not offer me a single Pegasus, and vowed to further investigate how I could acquire one through their reputable establishment.  She took my phone number, and promised to call me back once she had more information.  As I hung up the phone, I could only chuckle to what had transpired, and figured I would not be hearing from the superior intellect of Abigail again.  She obviously would be too busy tracking black holes, and monitoring the satellite she sent to Jupiter to be able to research my pending Pegasus purchase.  (Notice my infinitely superior use of alliteration.)

Well faithful readers, you can imagine my surprise when I received a phone call today from Abigail, PhD.  She just wanted to inform me that she has been feverishly calling pet stores around the state, but was unable to locate a Pegasus that would fulfill my needs.  She also confided in me that she felt a lot of the pet stores she contacted were giving her an aloof attitude, and seemed disinterested.  This is when I reassured Abigail that these people ran shady pet stores, and that I had full confidence in her shop; and I had plenty of cash. 

This obviously has gone on a lot longer than I had expected.  I was just hoping to get some quick laughs the other day, but inadvertently sent this dopey woman on a snipe hunt.  Do I feel bad?  Hell no.  Abigail should know better, especially when she is answering the phone at a pet store.  I promise to keep you readers up to date on my eventual Pegasus acquisition.

ADDITIONAL AUTHOR’S NOTE: Apparently Microsoft Word holds the Pegasus in high esteem.  Bill Gates knows the importance of a good Pegasus.  While typing this post, Word continually auto capitalized the word “Pegasus”.  This means that the Pegasus has achieved the same importance “I” has, according to the infinite wisdom of Microsoft programmers.

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5 Responses to “How to Buy a Pegasus. Step 1: Locate a mongoloid”


  1. 1 stoneywageslave April 18, 2007 at 5:54 am

    damn

  2. 2 suityourself April 19, 2007 at 7:32 am

    roughty, roughty, roughty. your amazing amaziosity amazes me. i think your abigail must have worked a williamsburg animal distribution agency called pet world. my man deddog will be able to confirm the logic behind this guess. now, this post is an example of going the extra mile for the blog. good work, sir. i hope she calls back and will be looking forward to more info.

  3. 3 stoneywageslave July 25, 2007 at 4:53 am

    whatever happened with this one

    a new classic

  4. 5 Riley September 14, 2007 at 7:36 pm

    I think I will require a seam-ripper to help with the stiches in my side from this one!!!


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