Suityourself, you are toast

Suityourself, I am tempted to remove your mask of anonymity to give you your due lashing. You Bitch!

One of my oldest and truest friends, please forgive me in advance, you fucker. We have always had our battles, and this is just another extension of our penis contests.

One of the first times you failed me was when we stole Frank Nuggets’ brownies. Let me quickly recap for the guests and readers. Frank Nuggets was a hallmate of ours freshman year, and he had brownies. You, me and Deddog conspired to steal his mint brownies. Frank had 2 kinds of brownies, but was saving the mint for his own personal self. He made us all swear to not steal his shit, but we did anyway, and then swore an oath of silence and allegiance to ourselves as well. When Frank Nuggets found out, he immediately confronted us in the lounge. He asked me first, and I refused adamantly that we had anything to do with it, Deddog followed as planned, but YOU, you pussy bitch, you ratted us out like a spineless third grader. Shit! As you could and do quickly reply, “What happened? What was he going to do?” Obviously, he couldn’t do shit, but it was just a taste of what was to come.

Another time, sophomore year right after Christmas. I had just caught the rock star bug, and was looking to go onstage. You were my roommate and partner in crime. We practiced for 2 hours to play Radiohead and Beatles, and wreck some shit. We walked with guitars to the gay ass UC Lounge, and then YOU fucking pussed out when we got there, and said you couldn’t play because you were scared of being embarrassed. Give me a fucking break, we were surrounded by retards that you hated. Embarrassed? You were by far the sickest musician other than LB, and you didn’t even like LB, you were in a league of your own. Embarrassed? Fucking please…you just didn’t want to nut up or something. I will never forget that, it was my first stage performance to rock out guitar, you let me down after practicing and getting it together. WTF?

In lieu of a third travesty, which I could dig up if I wanted, I will say that I have let you down just as hard, just in different ways. This post was not meant to dig salt into the wounds of the past. Instead, just think about all the mean shit we did to each other, but we’re still good friends. To boot, for each stupid bad shit we did, we did tons worse to other people (Jbones), and we did so much more awesome shit on our own.

Suit, I consider you one of my closest and gravest homies, and our friendship is just a tad deeper than any blog shitstem that any cool guy could make up. To my boy Suityourself, the first commenter on this fine blogstablishment, the most popular poster on this site (by far), I say, “OFF WITH YOUR FUCKING HEAD”



Editor’s Note: Suit did indeed receive the dreaded CHOP, but he begged for me to let him back in, and I agreed to be nice. Like Roughty told Haganav, “Get your shit together, Suit, there are no 3rd chances.”


2 Responses to “Suityourself, you are toast”

  1. 1 suityourself April 16, 2007 at 10:29 am

    haha bitches. electronic ressurection has commenced. now that you have tried to vanquish me, i am stronger than ever before. lestat motherfucker!

    just remember, when you’re weeping and gnashing your teeth, when your eyes burn out of your skull, i’ll be behind that verbal onslaught that so utterly demoralized you!!

    you can never say goodbye to true evil savagery. i was buried under the ground, but my rage grew too much.

    prepare yourself for the profane invasion. glue your ass to the chair and buy some fucking band-aids. pray to your puny god for salvation from my destruction.

    look out for the following verbal weapons of mass destruction:

    1. Virginia Tech Bloodbath — A Blessing in Disguise?

    2. Laughing at all the wrong times.

    3. What not to wear to your own execution.

    4. Trading Faces — Plastic Surgery for the feeble-minded.

    To the powers that be, restore my editing, threading and all other privileges before i unleash my wrath on you in more painful ways than you could imagine. your painful obituary has indeed smarted, and my response shall be more ferocious than thou canst imagine.

    i will repeat myself — hell will be unleashed. if you can’t stand the heat, stay on the porch. if you mess with the bull, you’re gonna get burned. the shit is about to hit the fan which is sitting on thin ice.

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