Savagery — incognito

OK, so Christian Bale is a moderately savage actor.  He’s got the right face, so he got some work, and I’m sure mad honeys have dropped trow for the son of a bitch.  OK, he qualifies.  J.Brown — “Watch me now!” No dizzoubt.  Steve Urkel — acted like a nerd for a decade and got rich as shit.  He’s in.  Stoney’s pal, Pete Doherty — drinks all day, toots all night and writes a song every now and again.  Fits the criteria for admission into the ranks of savagery.  The point to this intro is as follows:  Savagery is, in many cases, easy to point out.  See that fucking trucker rolling 95 mph down the highway, laughing as he scatters hondas and mazda like so many ants?… Savage.  See the 370 lb. construction worker with dirt all over his face and body, wearing a hardhat whistling at hoes from the high steel like he’s really gonna get into them britches?…  Fucking Savage. 

 I am more interested in the less obvious savagery — savagery incognito.  The kind of savagery that you don’t immediately notice.  The kind of savagery that sneaks up on you and then hits you over the head like a shovel or a tire iron.  This post will detail some of the best examples of savagery incognito and explanations.  Some example are so subtle that you’ll likely disagree, but I urge you to sit back and give it some time.  Search your feelings.  You know it to be true.

 Savage 1:  Smoosh

14- and 13-year-old girls from Washington.  Rock stars who have been more places, seen more shit and done more things than you ever will in your life.  Won’t comment on the music, because that’s a matter of taste.  What I will say is, what the fuck were you doing when you were 13 years old?  Not making a million bucks, I bet.  Smoosh — Savage!

Savage 2:  Ray Lewis

Now, I’m no historian, but didn’t he kill the shit out of a dude AND A CHICK in Atlanta?  Yes he did.  Then, he went on to make mad tackles, cause some concussions and make everybody forget about his killing somebody.  What are you going to do to make everybody forget about you after you kill somebody?  Nothing.  You’re not Ray Lewis.  You’re getting raped in jail for a long time.  Ray Lewis is washing the blood off his hands with Cristal.  Ray Lewis — Savage.

Savage 3:  John Goodman

He was the Dude’s pal, Walter and Roseanne’s husband, (for a while).  He was Fred Flintstone, King Ralph and Coach Harris (Revenge of the Nerds).  He has lived the dream, and we should tip our caps to this savage son of a bitch.  John Goodman — Savage.

Savage 4:  Farnsworth Bentley

He’s done nothing.  He was a man-servant and a grilled-cheese cook-off champion — that’s it.  How many platinum records would you have to put out before you were as famous as this no-talent waste of space?  Lots.  He has perfected the art of optimizing productivity.  Maximum money, minimum work.  The code of the savage.  Farnsworth Bentley — Savage.

That’s only the beginning, but it should be enough to make it clear to you that savagery is not always easy to see.  Keep a keen eye out for savages all around you, even in unexpected places. 

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6 Responses to “Savagery — incognito”


  1. 1 stoneywageslave March 23, 2007 at 10:41 am

    Stoney says: I also like the low-key savage. Not everyone can be a superstar. BUT humility and savagery rarely co-exist peacefully, as evidenced by Ray Lewis’ celebrity, and the fact that Smoosh tours the country with major rock bands.

    Yes they are savage, but are they really that DL? I would be hard-pressed to find a true savage who isn’t revered and put upon a pedestal by his peers.

    This blog is a major contradiction of sorts, because we blaze on and on about our own savageness, yet we are the ones tooting the proverbial horn. However, our savagery is inherent and obvious to all, and eventually we will have an army of young savages, spreading the good word and deed in our honorable names.

  2. 2 stoneywageslave March 23, 2007 at 10:45 am

    and Walter is about as opposite as “incognito” as you can fucking get.

    “Put the gun down Walter, it’s just a game!”

    There are rules, Suityourself, there are rules.

  3. 3 dyrkness March 23, 2007 at 4:29 pm

    Asy and Chloe are actually 13 and 15,and sisters besides. But ah, yeah.

  4. 4 stoneywageslave March 24, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    This is now the best-read post by far on this site. Suityourself, you might have outdone us, but only because of name-dropping 13 yr old little girls. Will it stick?

  5. 5 suityourself March 25, 2007 at 4:17 am

    (suityourself says this quietly to himself) “god dammit, i didn’t know the ages of two adolescent female tennage rock and roll stars. i should fucking kill the shit out of myself for that.”

    (later on, suityourself says more loudly) “just wait until you post something up here dyrkness… i’m going to google the hell out of whatever it is until i find an error in it. then it’ll be on like donkey kong. you’ll be so embarrassed that you’ll never be able to show your ip address on this blog again!! mwaaa haa haaa haaaa.”

    (even later, suityourself remembers) “but i’ll never be able to counter-burn dyrkness, because i’ll have already murderized myself for not knowing the actual smoosh ages.”

  6. 6 stoneywageslave May 29, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    stoney says: this is the most-read blog post on this blog.


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