Father of the year.

The contest is over.  This man is hands down the father of the year.  Yellow Pages?  Please, you don’t need to hire a chimney sweep when you have a rug rat running around your house eating all your food and spending your hard earned wages that is conveniently chimney sweep sized.   

This dad has his priorities straight, put that kid’s ass to work.  I am unquestionably positive that this guy spends his time thinking of work for his kid between 12 oz curls.  Probably, while in the drunken zone of brainstorming, this father tells his kid something to the tone of, “You want Santa Clause to come this year?  You better get your ass on the roof and scrub that chimney.  While you are up, grab daddy a beer.”  Then once the job is complete he breaks the news to his kid that he was just joking, he killed Santa last year so he won’t be coming anyway.  But hey, that’s one clean chimney.  This kid looks like he has a couple more years of having a suitable physique for chimney sweep, oven cleaner, senior crawl-space organizer, and other jobs this inventive dad can come up with. 

Why are you going to have children if they are not going to somehow make your life easier?  Yeah they could be the fruit of your loins, etc but they need to earn their keep.  The kid in this video (which I hear Yellow Pages stole from “Father of the Year” entries) knows his place.  He is a willing participant (not like it’s a choice, but he makes matters easier for pop), and looks like a seasoned veteran of chimney related duties.   

I am fully convinced that because of this kids subservient demeanor, the votes were swayed in favor of this father.  Furthermore, the ingenuity of this dad won over the voters.  It is obvious dad’s frugal nature is second to none as his homemade chimney apparatus is on full, glorious display in his entry video.  Also not to be overlooked; this guy’s sinister moustache is a telltale sign of superior child rearing abilities.  Good luck next year dads, because this guys got the award on lock down. 


5 Responses to “Father of the year.”

  1. 1 deddog March 21, 2007 at 6:16 am

    plus, he’s at least a functional drunk… i mean look at the semi-complicated rigging he’s constructed on the roof, able to support the weight of his workhorse

  2. 2 suityourself March 21, 2007 at 2:40 pm

    great points, all of them. I especially like your observation that the kid will be a great “senior crawlspace organizer.” That is a part of home maintenance that homeowners frequently overlook. Roughty, it seems as though you have parenthood on lock. As soon as your wife gets pregnant, you better rent a tux, cuz you’ve already won my vote for F.o.Y. Keep up the good work! Final thought, I figured I was the only one who noticed the ultimate fatherhood trademark — the Husstache! Keen eye and, as usual, correct conclusion.

  3. 3 Roughty March 21, 2007 at 3:12 pm

    Suit, I applaud you noticing my reference to senior crawl space organizer. I agree, in these crazy, post 9/11 times, crawl spaces have sprialed severley out of control. When I was a kid, I was the premier crawl space ogranizer in the tri-state area. Now as a side effect of those days, every time I walk into someone’s home I am appalled at their lack of crawl space organization and awareness.

  1. 1 Father of the year, Part 2 « Stoney Wage Slave Trackback on April 5, 2007 at 12:05 pm
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