The day of infamy…300 opens!

At long last the day is here.  March 9, 2007.  This day will be remembered by all who possess exquisite taste.  On this day, Frank Miller’s latest extravaganza 300 opens.  To those of you who were wise enough to see Sin City, I’m sure today has been marked on your calendars, like mine, for quite some time.  To those of you who don’t know about 300, I suggest you crawl back to your caves, holes, or Russia. 

I have just gotten home from work, and the anticipation is killing me.  I have been waiting for this day for so long, yet now that it is upon me I’m not quite sure how to handle it yet.  I have comprised a brief list of activities essential prior to viewing this epic. 

1.      First and foremost, (as with most any activities of merit) purchase 2-3 cases of beer.  I can already check this off my list.  Coors Light, or any product from those bastards in the Rockies is a serious crime and punishable by cock slap, the most degrading form of punishment a man can give, or receive.  If you don’t care enough about your body to buy something other than Coors Light, I submit that Frank Miller would not want you to have anything to do with his movie.  (More about the Coors Company at a later date).  I would recommend at the worst, Budweiser, anything of greater oat soda value is fine with Frank and me.  Personally, I bought a case of Yuengling and a bottle of whiskey.  Liquor is an approved substitute for case number 2 – ?.  However, you must purchase at least one case of beer.  Once step 1 is completed, move on to step 2. 

2.      DRINK BITCH!  Guzzle down that first case of beer.  Doesn’t it taste fantastic?  There’s nothing like a couple dozen vitamin B pills to get you pumped up for some Spartan-related massacre.  Limit your imbibing to one case.  I understand once that first case is done, the next one is too tempting.  Fight the urge; if I can do it, it will be a cakewalk for you. 

3.      Go to the theater and watch 300.  As I have not yet seen this movie, I cannot say what to expect other than excessive savagery.  SIDE NOTE: It is highly acceptable, (and recommended) that if your theater of choice sells alcohol, to treat yourself to a few more. 

4.      Upon your return, your senses will undoubtedly be going ape shit.  This is why we purchased the rest of the alcohol.  Proceed to numb your senses, and calm your racing body down with some more beer.   

If you execute this plan with precision, you should pass out to savage dreams of you at the battlefield wrecking the Persian horde’s shit.  Its Friday, so I don’t want to hear any whining about getting up early for work, to study, or to spend time with family.  Fuck that.  Happy viewing readers. 


5 Responses to “The day of infamy…300 opens!”

  1. 1 stoneywageslave March 9, 2007 at 12:58 pm

    Sorry bitch, I live in LA. In LA, unlike the chode-hole that is Virginia, we have other events to attend than moving pictures created solely to pacify the masses of idiots who populate this country. I will be attending a rock show, as previously mentioned in my post about music.

    As a side, I think that your pre-viewing activities are appropriate, and I applaud your enthusiasm and commitment.

    I plan on watching 300 on my laptop, from a pirated version on I expect it will be there by this weekend, and hope to enjoy the movie thoroughly, of course adhering to your pre-screening regimen.

  2. 2 roughtymcroughton March 9, 2007 at 1:01 pm

    Thats ok Stoney. As long as my regimen is followed strictly, 300 can be pleasurably viewed at any venue.

  3. 3 dumbass March 12, 2007 at 9:23 pm

    Bitch, I doubled up on the weed before going to the movie followed up nicely with a few beers, so the regimen was a bit altered but still a most quality experience

  4. 4 roughtymcroughton March 12, 2007 at 10:15 pm

    Ok, to all those who have contacted me about approprite methods of viewing 300, I will set the record straight. If you have a preferred DOC, (or drug of choice for you neophytes) amass an excess of said drug. Whether it be alcohol, weed, or more destructive, its up to you. Then, INDULGE. Have fun with the experience. Thats what 300 is about. I have now seen it twice, and it’s amazing everytime. So follow my template, and you can insert whatever drug you want into the beer category, just make sure you reserve some to dull you senses once you return. You will need it.

  5. 5 his royal dankness March 16, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    you guys are gay

    300 is gay

    sin city was gay

    9 bucks at the movie house is gay

    follow doctor’ s orders:

    take two bong rips, smoke blunt, puff bowl, and repeat until unable to drive or operate heavy machinery.

    smoke a pack of cigarettes, don’t eat anything

    and don’t watch movies cause they look fake as hell when you’re baked

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