Sloppy Post/ I live in Venice Beach

I live in Venice Beach, California. I guarantee you that where I live is cooler than where you live. I feel like making a list to prove my point, but that would be too many lists on this new blog. Let’s go through a couple of points just rambling, and see if we can find out just exactly why Venice Beach is cooler than where you live. Six months ago I moved to Venice Beach from Little Armenia, which is just east of the “real” Hollywood and just west of “cool-guy-town” aka Echo Park/ Silverlake, which is probably the highest concentration of indie-hipsters per capita in the entire fucking world. If you want to see a bunch of people wearing eye shadow, American Apparel clothes, maybe a Morrissey t-shirt, and lots of iPods, then you should go to Echo Park. Anyway, I moved to Venice beach to escape the hell that exists on North Mariposa Avenue, where about 95% of the people are Mexican, Guatemalan, Nicaraguan, etc….anyway, I don’t speak Spanish, and let me tell you right now….if you don’t speak Spanish and you live in Little Armenia, and you are a white boy who reps a gangsta-style LA Dodgers hat with your khakis, then your neighbors WILL NOT like you. I guarantee you that.

Enough about that bullshit, let’s get down to Venice. Venice Beach was really built in the early 1900’s by a rich guy who wanted to make his own little city. He turned a couple of square miles of beach town into a fucking carnival, and it’s still like that today. Venice Beach is a carnival. I guess it’s fucking list time. Shit.

1. The bums are cool. There are about 2.3 million bums in Venice. Unlike LA or Hollywood bums, Venice bums are not usually totally strung out on meth and crack. Some are crackheads, but they are easy to spot. Venice bums wear feathers in their hats, get in loud arguments with each other, ask you for your drink if you walk by them with a soda, and give you trinkets if you are nice to them. I love the bums in Venice Beach.

2. The weather is great. I checked out the average temperature in Venice on weather.com. The average yearly temperature ranges 10 degrees from high to low. In the coldest month, the average temp is 61F and the warmest month is 71 F. It gets hot during the day, but at night it’s real nice. Average temp 61-71….do I need to explain more?

3. It’s on the fucking beach! I live about 500 yards from the water, and that’s just because there is a lot of sand between boardwalk and beach. I can walk out my door, take about 10 steps to the right, and watch a carnival of ridiculousness with the sun setting over the Pacific as a backdrop. I live on the fucking beach.

4. The buildings are cool. My apartment building is over 100 years old, which is awesome. Venice was built to look cool, and have a fun vibration….it really does too. There are bright yellow buildings, murals ALL OVER THE PLACE, weird ultra-modern condos, high-end executive offices…it’s all there, and you know what?? It’s fucking beautiful, and you know what else??? You don’t live there, and you’re missing out…big time!

5. Everybody is smoking bud! More people smoke bud out here in Cali than in other places I have lived. It is kind of legal, you can buy it in stores if you have a doctor’s note, and everybody is just more relaxed about it….but in Venice, EVERYBODY is getting high. It’s fucking ridiculous! Just walking down the street in the middle of the day, you just walk through huge clouds of pot smoke and think, “where the fuck did that come from?” It’s all over the place….people smoking on their porch, bums smoking in the grass, people smoking walking around on the boardwalk right in front of cops…..people are just smoking it down in Venice, and I love it because I feel comfortable with stoners. They are usually more understanding, less judgmental, more open-minded, listen to better music, and are just “cooler.” I will have to dedicate a post to the relationship between smoking weed and being “cool,” because I think there is a significant link between the two, but that’s for later.

So there’s a short list, but it doesn’t stop there. Wanna go find some crazy jewelry, necklace shit made by some dude from Peru who just travels around, making stuff with leather and crazy stones? Come to Venice. I’m done.

Venice is the shit, and if you don’t know that, then you just dont know shit. If you’ve never been there, you should come ASAP. If you’ve been there and loved it, that’s right beyitch. If you’ve been to Venice and hated it, don’t come back, because we don’t give a shit. And if you live in Venice already, then you’re on the right track.

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2 Responses to “Sloppy Post/ I live in Venice Beach”


  1. 1 SopcepSmoff August 10, 2007 at 7:53 am

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  1. 1 clever clasp Trackback on May 9, 2007 at 2:16 pm

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